The Sudden Pain

Last year, August 7, 2017, my father passed a way. He was suffered from stroke and most of his organs failed all in all that caused his death. It was sudden. No one is ready for it. Not one from my family able to accept that easily. Even though we already saw him very weak, we still believed that we will able to get him home and we will start our life back again. It didn't happen. That time that my father passed away, all our dreams broke down. All our wishes turn into a gray sand. It was the worst day of our life and that will engraved in our memories up to our last breath.

It was very painful. From the time he was out of the morgue to the day of his burial, I was on his side. I already saw the mourning face of everyone, that includes my mother, who have been with my father for 42 years. It should be counting, but my father is gone now. I do believe that love will still lives on and everyday of her life, is a life to be treasure because we are here and we are all together.

Slowly Moving On

Fast forward after 7 months, we survived. There is always pain when we talk about him, but we would love to remember the good old days with him and we always imagine that he is just here. With us. We need to believe that we are still complete, even how hard it is to see that we lost him. We are living a day without his advise. We are living a day without his jokes. We are living a day without him cooking for us, but my mother cooks for us and she is a very good cook too. There is now a big whole in everyone's heart, the puzzle will never be complete.

Lesson Learned

What had happened had teach us many lesson. God is right, there is always a reason for everything and we must always acknowledge what he is trying to say and wants us to do about it.

It teach me to manage my money and think about what really matters.

Right now, I am very serious in saving money and already had my emergency funds. My mother will be losing her Medical Insurance next year, so I am starting a medical insurance for her on some private Insurance company. This is not because I am expecting he will get a sickness or something, of course I don't want to, but it pays to be always ready for emergency. I want the best for my mother, for my only parent.

I learned to value my family, my pets, my closest friends and little things.

I learned to value life. I realized that if it is your time, you will be out of this world in a snap. If your time with God is enough, he will kick out of this planet. In a snap, you will lose someone. Are you ready with it? Even if someone is ill, the doctor already gave him a life term, if one is gone, it still painful. Even if you already see it coming, it still hurts you. I know, no one is ready for death even if it really happens to us and will happen to us one day.

For me, every single minute of our life is to treasure.

It is a big sin to turn it to waste. Every single day, you should be loving and making someone happy. You should appreciate little things in order to love big things. You should hug your loved ones, tell them you love them. You should help in your own way, and become a problem solver.

Love your parents, you don't know when the time you will never see them anymore.

Here in the Philippines, we are family oriented. I tell you, it is the hardest pain to lose one family member. Everyday of your life is like you are dying. No matter how imperfect they are and no matter how you hate them sometimes, you only have one parent. God gave you to them because he knows your parents will be perfect for you. You are the reason why they become a parent, so celebrate everyday that you are together.

I Learned to Value Myself

I noticed that my mother are now always asking our whereabouts. She even ask for our decision, how our days went and what is keeping us awake during the night. She doing her best to be a mother. Not because she is not before, but maybe it is because she is now our only parent and she is doing her best to be a parent. Because she makes us matters, I take care of her. I take care of myself too. I drink vitamins, I sleep longer than 4 hours, I do everything to the best of my ability, I learned to forgive myself for some shortcomings and appreciate myself more. I think loving myself is loving my mother and loving my mother is making this family survive each day of our lives.

Lastly, Everything Matters

Yes, everything matters. Even the last coin in your wallet will able to save you. I am always looking for reason whenever there is a problem. I tread problems now as a challenge, like a detective solving a crime. I am a detective of my own problem and I am a very good detective that would wants to entertain positive thinking rather than losing it. We can figure out everything, we just need to act on it.

First Family Bonding

Last Sunday, I went out with my sister, her son and my mother. We had a checkup. I took advantage of buying things that I needed since it is near a mall in Makati. After that we dine in at our favorite fast food. This is my treat for them. My brother is at home, I will treat him some other time, lol.

This is my nephew. At a very young age, he is mischievous. He likes to move around. He is only 2 years old but he is hard headed, always the reason of stress of his parents. However, we are all blessed to have him. Having him seems to balance everything. Seeing him makes life beautiful. I want the best Auntie and Godmother for him. I will do everything to contribute something to make him a better person.

He reminds me of my father too, he is mischievous and hard headed too anyway. Maybe my nephew good those traits from him, lol.

Family Is Stronger, Surviving Because of Love for Each Other

We are surviving. We are moving forward. We will love for forever and no misunderstanding will break us apart. Every problems must solved all together. Everyone matters. This includes my pets. I love my family and I need them. Thank you God for this life and for the family I belong.

I Love You, Papa

Papa, I don't know how this message will reach you. If God will just read it for you and whisper all the words to you from somewhere you are now, I wish it happens. Papa, we are okay. We are okay because of our love to you. Since you are gone our life will be never be the same. You will never be replaced. You are always in our hearts. We miss you. We love you. I hope you are still here. I will do my best to be the best daughter, sister and auntie. I will do our best to make our life improve. This is all for you and to our Big God. I wish you peace and I know you are in peace. I will never let you down. I love you Papa.

@tanner09

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