Love and Emotions

The bell is ringing, indicating end of school. I'm scared to go home. Each jingle sends chills through my young spine. I'm just 11 and the doctor last week said I've got hypertension. The word was too big for me, so I had to google it. I'm terrified and my parents don't even care. Nobody knows aside Aunty Jane, my class teacher who takes me to the clinic each time I faint.

The last two years cannot be forgotten. I and my younger brother had arrived from school only to meet our parents in their normal battle mode.

"How many times must I tell you to stop pressing this toothpaste from the middle! Are you crazy!"
That was my dad talking and wielding the Colgate tube in front of mum's disfigured face. I saw some of their pictures before marriage, the face I was seeing now contrasted the picture's. Completely different. Mum now had dark spots littering her face and a missing incisor that resulted from years of frequent battering. Dad wore a neck brace, courtesy mum and the new skills she was acquiring from the karate sessions she started. The bandage had actually shifted from his leg which she also broke a week before to the neck.

I pulled Michael away from the flying kick coming from her now
"Mad-idiot! What is toothpaste! ..don't you leave the toilet door opened each time you empty your decayed intestines? And here you are feeling you can correct me... Mtcheeew..."

She was now clapping over dad's head as her unbraced breasts flung around shamelessly. Oh Michael, too young to comprehend, he just stood crying and screaming
"Mum stop fighting... Dad leave her alone .. Please ..please.."
"Sarah, I'm scared.." He faced me now.

Poor boy, I saw the outlines of his neck veins as they rose sharply. He was five and so frustrated. How could I have comforted him? I was crying too. Our hands held, I felt his trembling, or was it mine? I couldn't differentiate. I bent and looked into his brown eyes, his cheeks cupped between my palms.

"So..ory...sorry Michael.. It will soon be over baby.. It will, you know... But you have to stop crying, I will buy you plenty candies if you do" I didn't know what I had said until moments later
"...You don't talk to me like that woman!"
The war theme then changed.

"...do you know how dreadful it is to sleep at nights? Hahahaha.. You snore like a little pig. You almost caused an earthquake yesternight ....you should go build a skyscraper in hell bitch! "

I heard "bitch" for the first time. I used it in school months later and a slap from Tina, my seat mate had rewarded my obese face. How did she know it was a bad word? Maybe Google told her too.

"Did you just call me that? Huh" She said, initiating towards dad. We still lingered somewhere behind.
Throwing herself forward swiftly on getting to him, she released a kick. Dad, already used to it just dodged easily. Angered, she immediately followed up by unleashing an uppercut. Her teeth clenched, revealing the empty tooth space that for few seconds matched her with a witch. Now in the stance of an amateur boxer, he quickly sidestepped, exposing us to the deadly hand.

The hand swished past him and came for us. I watched in horror as it landed under Michael's chin. Instantly, he launched upwards like a flying piece of shit and thudded, hitting a wall, his neck broken. Another wave of terror raced through me where I stood transfixed.

I watched my brother blink rapidly. Blood oozed away from his head as he futilely struggled to stand. Like a chicken hit by a car he fought, trembling on the floor. Painful! The picture of him slightly raising his hand and beckoning unto me for help still hunts me. After many struggles, he took a final stretch and gave up. His eyes remained unclosed, directed at me.

Michael died and our parents fought on. It was too late by the time they realized what they had done. Michael's blood had paid only for few months of truce. It became worthless afterwards. Wasted sacrifice!

I didn't know I was only talking about his death when I held his cheeks between my palms and said it would be over soon. I should have gone instead. Mum had taken on karate not to defend us from harm but to bring harm to us.
I'm at home now. There's no one to welcome or offer me some decent food. They are at it again, I can hear daddy screaming for help. Mum must be pinning him down. Now it's her yelling, she must have been overpowered. Oh lord, help me.. I don't want to get married.

How can two beautiful hearts that claimed to be so much in love grow to hate each other fiercely. I don't understand. Aunty Jane says love is a choice and not some feelings or emotions. Emotions are reactions in the brain that comes and goes. Choices remains even when reasons to feel lacks. I think they must have been so busy wallowing in emotions that they forgot to make the choice.

Why is everywhere turning dark? I'm feeling dizzy. My chest... It's paining me, things are becoming blurry. I'm no longer hearing them. I can see him now. Michael. He's smiling and beckoning unto me. Come... Come. Am I going to be another sacrifice? How long will this last.. I hope longer than Michael's. I can't see him again. Two figures are scampering over me now.

"Carry her! Useless woman.. My arms are broken" dad commanded
Mum jerks me up and peels towards the gate. I can hear daddy coming behind. It's so dark at the moment. I'm beginning to see Michael again. He's mouthing ...Sarah, Sarah it will soon be over, come.... Something liquid is dripping on my face. It's mummy. She's no longer moving and now crying with some people I can't figure out around me. They should be from the neighborhood. They are consoling her.