oh the adventures we have made

a picture popped at me this morning, it made me remember the progress. how i adapted to the circumstances around me. one hour away from my daughter, it always felt too far, too distant in an emergency. i had minimal resources, i had just lost my house, my relationship, my work -- everything vanished in a month. i was 24 hours away from homelessness, they texted me that they were coming to take whatever was inside and change the locks, the electricity was off and i was slumped up against the wall, i left it there. everything. sofa, white label records, my desk, my life. i just left it all. i went.

mentally battered and destroyed from the numerous letters to fill in my available financial situation, the barrage of daily calls and texts, the breaking down of my sanity on a daily basis, the fear filled sleep of waking up to hear it all again over and over, the groundhog day of eventuality. it was a barrage, hit over and over again by the discord of not conforming to the system that did'nt have a box to put me in. i was a broken man, i had nowhere to go, i was destined for the kerb.

i had social connections, they helped me, they lifted me up, they took me out of the situation, they gave me hope, two years later from my grind to get back to a sense and space of normality i sold me.dm to evan williams of twitter, i'm still not sure how it happened, maybe it was those two thousand blog posts that i wrote and over 2000 audio files of my depression, the dark days all recorded for the world to hear, that i've never played back but know exist out there, i'm scared to even share the link to the profile page of all of them with you, but you can find them if you dig.

that money brought me back from the brink, i bought a new computer, a car, an electric bike, things to be able to maintain the link between me and my daughter, i know she saw the fight, the upset and the dark days that daddy fought through, you gave me compassion on a scale that i had never encountered before, you became my rock when i could'nt be yours. your my blood, my dna, my rechargable battery when my emotions dropped to the floor and i cried in front of you and you just hugged me and said it will be ok.

you my dear, are the reason why this adventure called life can never be dulled by the world and it's destructive ways. even when i am gone i will have you in my memories, wherever i will be and i'll wait for you there until you join me.