First, here's why and how I began writing poems

I was born with a fetish for words. At least that's what I believe in. At the age of six, I started writing these short poems I knew made sense but didn't at first glance. My dad thought it was awesome, for he has always been a fan of literature and art as well (he never really figure out what they all meant though). During those times, I was a sad little girl who was constantly bullied in school and regularly beaten down by confusion at home as to why my parents would always fight and deny the next day when I asked them, hence the words...

"The trees look green so I went there but it turned brown."

...which I wrote on my school notebook I remember at the day I went to a playground alone when my parents promised they would come along but of course, they were busy fighting. When I got to the playground, this tree which usually looked ugly all of a sudden looked green, so I went there but all I saw were dried leaves on the ground falling from it. The tree was not green, it was just some sun lighting. I wrote it on my notebook out of nowhere, and I knew I made poetry when I felt like it meant something else--something deeper.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago

During this time, I was a girl who thought everything was so damn deep she fell for that long long well of misery, and boy, was it dark in there. I remember I told the guidance counselor of my former university whom we were all required to meet for the first semester as entry requirements, "I write poems that's why I never get affected by a lot of awful things that happen in my life."

He said that it was good, and I knew it was my therapy back then. It was funny how I wrote poems about drunken nights I thought were all so significant in my life and different from each other. People sent me praises all the time telling me how beautiful my compositions were and how it made them feel some sort of way. I even gained a reputation for writing poetry and of course other kinds of stuff too. Still, people saw me as that poet.

After some time, I stopped writing poems when everything stopped having a deep meaning--when my mind stopped seeing things in an exclusive perspective between the world as a whole and I alone. Basically, I just realized that not everything is romantic--that poetry just simply made its way to people to make them believe that this life is so much more than just what it is when it is as simple as you and I breathing for air to survive and striving to achieve more physiological needs at a greater extent day by day.

The better life

Life is better when you look at it in a plain rational perspective without all those what-if's. Those things trigger people to write things with words waiting to be deciphered--they know what is really going on but they both want people to say something about it yet at the same time not wanting them to see through what they are really going through.



As much as possible, we should make ourselves not do that. Yes that helps, but why settle for a medicine kind of fix when you are not sick in the first place and you could actually just open your mind and see everything in a lighter point of view--that things didn't work out for you before because >admit your fault< and >tell yourself you could do better this time<. Writing your feelings using flowery words does not change the fact that all you need is to move on and do something. Reality is reality, and when I stopped writing everything in that "deep" way and started cringing at those who do and at their works, everything just made sense!

It was clear that I only wrote those poems because I did not want to believe everything that was actually happening and I just wasn't open-minded enough to see things as "it happens", for I was stuck in "why is this happening?" Now I don't write poems and I am absolutely better.

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• Quill
• I'm utterly insane
• Ugh. People.
• Get over It