What Age Should You Have the Sex Talk With Your Kid?

Parenting does have its perks. Like today, would you believe that my neighbor met me at my mailbox to tell me what a terrific job I was doing raising such great kids?

The thing was, I was pretty skeptic and wondered what her angle was.

See, that morning happened to be the 564th time my two youngest argued over whose turn it was to ride shotgun. And truth be told, I was pretty sure my frustration reverberated down the lane.

So I braced for the punch line.

But I was wrong. Instead, she sung an exquisite symphony of praise and gratitude for their assistance earlier that week in catching her runaway pooch.

Awww…she’s just so right. They really are sweet kids. And I have to tell you…I left our conversation basking in the radiance of my mad maternal skills.

It’s funny how we perceive ourselves sometimes. Earlier that day I was miles from winning any kind of parenting trophy, but that evening I strutted toward my house, one arm full of junk mail and the other waving like a pageant queen to the two cars that buzzed past me.

You know the feeling, don’t you? It’s the moment of sheer delight when you suspect that all the sweat and tears you’ve invested building integrity and character (and hopefully impeccable manners) may actually be paying off!

Strong values may seem easy to teach, but they can sometimes be hard to learn. But, even so, we persist because we recognize the importance of introducing qualities like selflessness, truth telling and respect in preschool years to avoid problems later on down the road. Because let’s admit it, it’s one thing to have a self-centered toddler, but it’s another to have an insufferable 9-year-old.

So…why do we clam up when discussing anything related to sex and sexuality with our kids, especially when they are young? We fear it, we postpone or we simply avoid it altogether.

And, how about if we do power through “The Talk” during the difficult teen years, we consider it equal to climbing Everest. I’m not saying that we would be in it for the glory, but if there was an award badge for having “The Talk,” we’d proudly slap that baby on our lapel the moment the discussion ended. And parents everywhere would gaze in wonder and marvel at our courage.

It takes a long time to instill values. “The Talk” should actually be changed to “The Talks.” One talk won’t do the trick in such a sex-crazed society? The scales are unbalanced. If you are not talking to your child early and often, SOMEONE ELSE IS. The good news is that there are age-appropriate things you can do even when your child is young to establish a basis of excellent values.

Timeline for Sex Ed:
• Ages 2-3: Introduce the body parts by using the correct terminology. This is also a terrific age to incorporate the idea of modesty in any discussion.

• Ages 4-7: Begin to introduce the concept of pregnancy and childbirth and the sanctity of human life. Continue to emphasize modesty. Useful illustrations are all around (e.g. pregnant friend or family pet) to introduce and reinforce the topic of pregnancy and birth.

• Ages 8-10: The Big Talk. Um…yeah, I know, this IS young, but discussing sex during this time frame means YOU will likely be the first one to introduce it. You can get to them before someone else gives them inaccurate or dangerous information. Besides, at this age they are surprisingly pretty cool about the basic facts and much less embarrassed than if you wait until they are older.

By being a prepared and equipped parent, you can anticipate your child’s uncomfortable questions about sex and challenging developmental stages. This means you can respond to them with confidence and in truth and love. Believe it or not, teaching your child about sex really is a perk to parenting because you get to be the expert on sex to your child and you have the opportunity to wrap your values tightly around any information you provide her.

Be brave, friend, you got this.