RE: Had an interesting dream and then some interesting thoughts.
I've been good my friend. I feel better for the (extended) break. You know I understand exactly where youre coming from in terms of wanting to make a poitive difference in peoples lives and in the world in general but you shouldn't be a 24/7 martyr to the cause. This is your experience as much as anyone elses and you should of course fight the evil that exists in the world but you should also enjoy the beauty and have someone to enjoy that with, if thats what you want. No man is an island and we all need love, comfort, reassurance and protection.You're an amazing guy mate and soon, the right woman will see that and be proud to be at your side as you take on the world. Please don't sacrafice your own love and happiness. Instead, find that love and that happiness and use it to empower yourself and your struggle even more.
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Glad to hear you've been good! I appreciate your sentiments and concern.. And I'm not doing this 24/7 but.. It does feel like it sometimes! Since my young to mid twenties it's been almost nonstop.. But.. I do play some video games sometimes and hang out with friends and family and watch some interesting stuff on YouTube and enjoy good food and.. I try to meet women and drink some beer from time to time and appreciate nature and.. I try to make sure I have some happiness and fun in my life. :)
I guess I just feel dejected and unable to meet a woman who I'm attracted to who cares about the world and it's hard to be with someone who doesn't care about what's happening so I feel very unfulfilled in that area and it's majorly depressing.. And all the women I fell for except for Amanda who passed away have eventually broken my trust and been sexual with other men and then ditched me so it's tough sometimes to be optimistic especially when I'm also not making enough money and in a shitty place in life in numerous ways including my OCD.. But.. I haven't given up hope. I still hope I'll meet someone who can look past all that and in the meantime I'll try to make more money and work out more and enjoy the things I enjoy and try to work on my OCD and limiting factors and maybe some day something will happen. :) But if not.. At least I'm happy trying to help the world.. So, that's one reason why I wanna start speaking out again.. It makes me happy to try to help.
Thank you for your advice and encouragement and I hope you're right! I hope I do meet someone some day, though if not I think it's good to sort of just get used to being alone and to enjoy my life alone, all that self love stuff so many people always tell me about when I complain. Heh. And then I won't be as needy and have that desperate energy around me and I can meet a woman more confident in who I am. (HOPEFULLY)
Time will tell how it goes, though I am happier now that I've decided to speak out again cause that's important to me.. Especially when the world is in such a mess and we need people speaking out more than ever.