How We Destroy Our Skill Building Ability and what can we do about it?

Any species that has ever walked on the face of this planet learns a set of technique for their survival. However, for us, skill building doesn’t stop after and is not limited to survival.

We constantly want to learn more and get better. As kids, we are exceptional at learning. But we find it harder to learn new skills when we grow up.

Kids are Exceptional at Learning

As a kid, learning comes naturally to us. It is inherent in our DNA. We learn basics such as walking, eating, playing games to advanced skills such as languages, writing and mannerism.

As kids we are the busiest, learning one thing or the other. We find fun in almost anything we do. We are curious all the time. This Special ability to acquire skills is not by chance — we are made this way.

Riding a Bicycle: More Magical than it appears

One thing that has always seemed magical to me is a person riding on a pair of wheels without falling.

Riding a bicycle is an amazing task. Your brain has to coordinate with the body to get to the right balance.

“The mysterious bio-mechanics of riding and balancing a bicycle” — published in the conversation says —

Despite our work and that of others in the field, there is still much to be learned about how humans ride and balance bicycles. Most research, including ours, has been limited to straight line riding, which only makes up a fraction of a typical bicycle ride.

Despite the complexities, kids learn this tough skill at the age of five (on average). We were not bothered by any of these complexities.

As a kid, our only concern was to break out from the home and get on our bicycle. It’s a joyful activity. It doesn’t matter how many times we fall. It doesn’t matter if someone makes fun of us. We enjoy it anyway.We know what it means to let go of the support wheels and ride free.

Like riding, we acquire a lot of essential skills related to art, literature, language, sports, adventure etc. in our childhood.

“We do it for ourselves, not for anyone else”

But one day we destroy our ability to learn

We are masters of skill building. Isn’t it? Not quite.

After a certain age, the ability of building skills starts vanishing for most of us. It is frustrating but true. We know that.

Why does it happen?

When we grow up, we start identifying ourselves as part of the society. Our priorities change. Most of us are no longer able to do things for fun. We want to fit in. Our priority is to do things which will impress people and in return, we seek social validation and appreciation.

We have an insatiable list of mimetic desires and that is where the problem starts.

Think about learning a musical instrument. Even before striking the first chord on the instrument, we are dreaming of Impressing half of the human race with our musical charisma. It’s in no way surprising why more than 70% of the people stop learning Instruments within 10 days. As the sound out of their instrument wreaks havoc on their imaginary rock performance.

“Expectation is the Culprit”

When we expect more, we are more anxious. When we are anxious, we doubt ourselves. One bad day and it is highly likely we are out of business.

On top of it, we constantly compare ourselves with others — with experts who have devoted years to learning a skill, and then we feel bad.

Is it worth it?

We do not want to go through the process, we want to learn as soon as possible. We don’t want to spend time because there are other things grabbing our attention. We are ashamed if we are doing badly at something. We try to convince ourselves, maybe it’s not the right skill for me. Maybe it’s not worth it.

We suck out every drop of fun from it because we don’t give a damn about the process. All we want is to be a master of the skill. But it doesn’t work this way and we fail more often than not.

Rectifying it: The Magical element in Learning

Think about the time when you were learning to ride a bicycle.

• Did you ever burden yourself with the expectation of riding like Lance Armstrong and then got ashamed when you fell down even on the support wheels?
• Were you constantly comparing yourself with everyone else who was better than you and feeling bad about not being as good as them?
• Were you burdening yourself with the thought that you will not be able to learn?
• Were you not enjoying it and doing just because everyone else was doing it?

Most of the people would say “NO”.

Then why now?

If we can learn a complex skill like cycling at such an early age then why do we suddenly start doubting ourselves when we grow old.

You can find 100 reasons on the Internet for ‘why learning Chinese is difficult’ written by professionals and experts whereas a 2-year-old will learn it while still shitting in the diapers. Kids don’t give up and they don’t care if they’ll look stupid in the process.

So what do we do?

Learn from your younger self.

Stop getting ashamed if you suck in the process. If you are Investing time in something, your brain is working for you in the background. It is forming neural pathways and getting conditioned on a subconscious level.

You will reach the tipping point in your skill if you practice it enough without getting anxious and leaving it midway. The key is, enjoy the process and accept the shortcomings on the way.

Learn like a kid.

One day you will make the perfect sound, play the perfect shot, cook the perfect meal or give the perfect speech. It will be like Magic. But remember, Nothing is perfect yet.

Do it for yourself, not for anyone else. 

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