Nothing as common as regret: a monologue
It never occured to me that you loved me & now that the sun has set, I sit alone under the tree where we used to laugh & love the world. I'm alone, it is not hard to see & I miss you plenty.
Some days, I go to your rest & sit & talk about everything we thought to forget. I weed the grass & arrange young flowers there. I get tired sometimes & the doctor says I need rest. They put me in a room with a nurse but you know how much i hated hospitals. You know… you knew me.
Why didn't we kiss that day you cried real hard & my shoulder was the only rest you could find? I wanted to kiss you that day & I have regretted ever since. Gosh, I should have told you how I felt. I should have gone on my knees, worshipped all the beauty and pain that made you.
My chest hurts as I read this old note in your teenage hand. I wish I had been bold enough. I wish you had been bold enough. Maybe, we would have loved until our limbs began to shrivel. I am tired of being so heartbroken. My life has not been easy. You know barely half of the struggles I faced. I used to watch you on the television, in your beautiful gowns and remember how you loved to dance with me. You used to insist that I learn new dances with you. You made me feel life. Because of you, some dark moments fled pass me and now, it hurts that I did not come to you when you needed me.
Why didn't we love each other enough? I would have broken this earth for you. Now, you're gone. You're a whisper in my story, the hunger between us has ripened & aged into arthritis. It is late but I come here to say; I'm sorry. Not for you, because you did your best to live and love. I'm sorry because I should have been with you in all your battles. It was my duty to love you. It was my duty to love you. Now, I listen to sad songs as I arrange your grave, praying that you have found peace and that love you hungered for.
I look at your name on the stone & yeah, this hurts more than pain. Do you know that the day you cried on my chest, my heart fell? But what was I to do? You wept for another love, another man who did not know you. It will not be the last. Did I not always show up? How did we miss each other's yearning? Now you are gone and this air is tired of breathing me.
Gods, I am empty. It would have been nice to hold your hands and say I love you. It would have been nice to just hold your hands and walk the long stretch of our dreams. But you did love me, even in all things, you did love me. I have not been able to live with my self since.
All I'm trying to say is not goodbye but goodnight. I hope we will see on the other side of life and I will look at you and you will look at me and say; come let me show you this new dance and we will dance and love and this time, I will be your hunger and you will be my thirst.