Age 29

It was a very fast year. It was a light and cold winter, I worked all the time, and a summer I did not enjoy because I worked all the time. In general, I worked a lot, and worked from home, and I worked, as opposed to last year, well. There were many difficult moments but they proved to me that I have good friends and supporters and that I am strong. In fact there were two very difficult moments, and now I'm in the middle of another one. A few weeks ago I told Sharon that I feel that when we want something, it is actually the tip of the iceberg of a dialogue between our children and the world. My soul tells the world in an energetic frequency: I want it. The world answers her, and what will you give me in return? She answers, what do you want. He tells him what his price is, what concessions will have to be made, and she agrees. And only after it agrees will it roll into me in a way I can formulate, in a way that I can say in words and then plan actions to reach it. I learned important things about rebelliousness and when it was necessary and when not, on scale, on caution. I learned about hard work and learned about perseverance and learned about relaxation, and especially I learned about boundaries, and about the fact that the lack of boundaries and misplaced generosity pay interest. I learned not to put people in unnecessary places. All in all, but it was an excellent year. I was free of things I wanted to get rid of. I've become an adult. A few years ago, I thought I would be able to get around all kinds of axioms, that my maturity would be different from that of others because I would run it differently. I will be able to win any system that determines that the world is lonely and alienated and ugly. I did not make it. On the contrary, I was pushed into the bourgeoisie. I want to marry, for example, because I understood that the establishment of a family unit is an agreement to be together in this matter in the most profound way possible. Beautiful things happened to me. I felt beautiful and had nice conversations. I was a good friend and I was a bad friend. I realized that friendship, unlike what I had once thought, was not everything. You can not trust her. My grandmother, who has been telling me this since I was seventeen, was right. You can count on a family, so you should choose who deserves to enter your family, And what are you going to do with this family? I feel my twenties have passed successfully. Ten years ago I finished nineteen, I was in the army, I was on a diet. I wore the red dress that did not compliment me at all and I bought a medal from El Carmel, I was too young and lesbian to understand that in order for a garment to show you the way you imagine it has to cost a lot of money and I went with friends to Moses Herzliya. We were a very boring bunch. I ate a hamburger without a roll. We took a taxi home five instead of four and when we got to the destination the driver told us to pay more than we agreed on the risk he took. What else was on this day? I do not remember. I remember the 21st birthday. Everything looked very close. I had a pony and wore an ugly "retro" dress from Mazara. I went to a gay party for the first time. Homo tried to dance with me and when I did not flow he said "If you want to be cool you'll be cool to the end." It was a little after I came out of the closet, everything was so big and alienated. It's good that these years are over. My father took me to first grade. After the children had settled down. He chose a place for me and said, This is a good place, he is in front of the board (a few months later when they wanted to move me somewhere I was not ready and cried because this is the place he chose me). I had a feeling years later, of course until we moved to another apartment and therefore to another school, that before I entered someone briefed all the children how to behave with each other. This feeling was so strong that I almost asked several times what I had missed, what was in the briefing, how you all knew how to behave in this natural way. I feel that this year only this feeling has dissipated. And now I want to thank the good. Thank you for the great moments of happiness I experienced, thanks for the connection with Sharon who developed and matured and became more beautiful and more intimate. He took out a love I did not know I could feel. Thank you for keeping my family close to me. Thank you for your relationship with my sister. Who is moving in the right direction so that we can return to a close relationship that suits both of us, thanks for work and livelihood and career and success, Thank you for helping me meet the tasks I took upon myself even when they were difficult and unbearable and thank you for the fruits they carried, thank you for the suggestions, thank you for the inspiration and the intuitions, thank you for all the beautiful books you sent me and the beautiful movies and the beautiful music. Thank you for being able to stick to Pilates. The beautiful house, thank you for your health, thank you for letting me learn lessons gently, from small, pointy events, and not in a way that could have brought me down or threatened me. Thank you for all the love I felt, thanks no one caught me smoking Wade in a way that could endanger me and thank you for helping me stop when I wanted, no problem and no withdrawal symptoms. Thanks for not stealing my bike and thank you for guarding me on the road or in the car, and for everyone I love. Thank you for hiding my nightmares, thanks for the treatment that directs me to good places. Thank you for the delicious food, thank you for the nice things, thank you for standing by my will and thank you for the hope that you are not scarred and do not let things confuse or reduce it. Thank you for the friends you have brought to me and for those you have removed from my life. I believe that these things happened in time even if it may appear early or too late. Thank you for increasing my love and faith in you every year, thank you for not having tattooed this year and certainly not for the tattoo I thought I would do (thank you!), Thank you for guiding my heart when to be patient and when not to be, thank you Shows me who the people really are and who I am not, thanks for all the help. Thank you for helping me release and thank you for having the nice parts still with me, hoping to stay with me forever. Thank you for the beautiful clothes I found in the stores and thank you for keeping my plants even when I did not have the strength to cultivate them. Thank you for helping me to be attentive to my body. Thank you for all the times I thought I would not be able to do something and gave me the belief that I would succeed, and not give up. You could have done all the moments I needed to do, and although my body and soul wanted to sink into a sofa or a book or a television, you gave a breath that made it happen. Thank you for guiding me when to apologize and when not to apologize, and when to confess. Thank you for helping me to be a good partner, a good sister and a good girl. Thank you for giving me patience and love and for being able to breathe and relax. Thank you for making me grow new. Thank you for helping me to confess when I was wrong. Move on, thank you for giving me the ability to forgive and others the ability to forgive me. Thank you for entering a confused and insecure twenty-year-old confused and out in a completely different place. This is not obvious and it does not happen to many people. Thank you very much for this. Thank you for your faith and companionship. Without them I would go crazy. Without you I'd go crazy. Thank you very much for everything and we will always be together Amen, Amen Thank you for making me grow up to enjoy new things, thank you for helping me to confess when I was wrong to move on, thank you for giving me the ability to forgive and others the ability to forgive me. Thank you for entering a confused and insecure twenty-year-old confused and out in a completely different place. This is not obvious and it does not happen to many people. Thank you very much for this. Thank you for your faith and companionship. Without them I would go crazy. Without you I'd go crazy. Thank you very much for everything and we will always be together Amen, Amen Thank you for making me grow up to enjoy new things, thank you for helping me to confess when I was wrong to move on, thank you for giving me the ability to forgive and others the ability to forgive me. Thank you for entering a confused and insecure twenty-year-old confused and out in a completely different place. This is not obvious and it does not happen to many people. Thank you very much for this. Thank you for your faith and companionship. Without them I would go crazy. Without you I'd go crazy. Thank you very much for everything and we will always be together Amen, Amen