How To Breakup With Your Partner and Remain Friends

https://promonaija.com/how-to-breakup-with-your-partner-and-remain-friends-2712

When people start dating, there can be all kinds of fireworks and “butterflies in the stomach.” Sometime later, those feelings may have faded, replaced by the feeling that the two shouldn’t be together anymore. So how can people break up without making them miserable, causing a scene, or worse?
Here are some steps on how to go about it

1. Be direct about your intentions.
   If you want to end the relationship, tell him or her face to face. No text messages. No post-it notes on the refrigerator for him or her to find when he/she comes home to an empty house. No letters from lawyers. (The only exception to this rule is if you suspect he may become violent.)

Don't be ambiguous. I can't stress this enough. Too many people don't want to hurt their lover's feelings or try to soften the blow, so they wrap the discussion up in vagaries. They say things like, "Things aren't working out right now, but that doesn't mean I'll always feel that way."

Thus, he/she walks away thinking they still got a chance when there isn't one or wondering whether the relationship is really over. The more humane thing is just to say it straight. Don't disguise what you mean.

1. Treat Him or Her with Respect

Treating others as you would treat yourself applies to breakups as well. There’s no reason to text message a breakup. You make think it will help avoid an argument or tears, but it’s cold and disrespectful. The same goes for changing relationship status on social media, or telling all your friends and family you’re broken up before speaking with them first. Think of how you want someone to break up with you, and try doing the same.

The exception to this is if you don’t feel safe -- in that case, breaking up over the phone or by email may be safer. If you don’t feel as though your safety is in jeopardy, it’s best, to be honest and break up face-to-face. However, it might help to break up in a public place or have friends or family waiting nearby once it’s over.

1. Tell Him or Her what went wrong.
   You guys didn't work, but hopefully, he or she can learn from his or her mistakes and succeed with someone new. And again, it removes the element of ambiguity. You're leaving because he/she never does anything for you, he/she doesn't pull their weight, he/she is inconsiderate of your feelings, he/she is unsupportive of your career, he or she demeans you in public, and so on.

Whatever the reasons, tell him/her what they are. This isn't so you can be vindictive, but most people don't mind readers. He or she may not even be aware of his/her behaviour. Now, this isn't an excuse, but if they aren't aware, they should know. You might even ignite an epiphany. They might surprise you and want to change their ways.

Of course, if you list his or her shortcomings, be prepared to receive a list of yours. Don't get angry or defensive, just listen. There may be some valid points in what he or she is telling you.

1. Stick to Your Guns

Breakups are very tough, but that’s no reason to back down and reverse your position. If you don’t feel the relationship is right, then it’s time to end it. This isn’t a negotiation, it’s a break-up. You can listen to what they have to say, but don’t feel as though you need to keep explaining yourself for wanting to end the relationship.

Unhealthy or abusive partners may manipulate you during a breakup to stay. They’ve become a huge part of your life, and you might be afraid of feeling lonely. You might even think you’ll miss them a lot, or feel helpless without them. Again, stick to why you want to leave. Even if they try to make you stay through guilt trips, insults, or threats, remember that you are okay with this decision because you are choosing to make it.

1. Feel Good About Your Choice

Your partner’s feelings will undoubtedly be hurt, and that’s something you need to accept. In the long run, there is probably a very real reason why you are breaking up with them. And if the relationship was unhealthy or abusive, it’s even more important to remind yourself that you did this because you don’t want to be in a relationship like that.

Tell family and friends once it’s over. Let your support system know so they can help you as you deal with the breakup yourself. Need help with how to break up? Chat with a peer advocate -- and remember, everyone deserves a healthy relationship, including you!

At the end of the day, you may not leave as friends, but you should be able to bump into each other on the street and be pleasant.

For those in a distant relationship, you can use social media site like WhatsApp because it provides a close platform to inform them that things aren’t going well between the two of you and it’s time to call it quits.

PLS Don't do such stuff on Twitter because Twitter is a news channel. I repeat ...don't do it on Twitter!! THINGS COULD GO SIDEWAYS.