My creative process is always interesting for me to be honest. It doesn't feel like I'm just writing, or painting, or drawing; it feels like I'm battling myself. It's always an adventure, and I always learn something new.

I started this drawing more than a month ago, as it was supposed to be a St. Valentine's gift. I didn't know what it was going to be, I don't plan my art, I just let it create itself. So I just go step by step, curious about how it'll turn out. And probably a bit anxious. Okay, really anxious.

I've shared in a couple of past posts the same drawing in different stages, because I liked every stage so much that I felt they could all be used for something different. In every stage I thought that was it, "It's finished!" But hey, I'm Ana, and the thing I discovered about myself this time was: You can always do more, but also, learn when to drop it.

It (as I) suffered a lot along the creation process, I cried on it, I screamed at it, I cried again. In the end, it all seemed to work out pretty well, and it was finally delivered as a present a few days ago.

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The process:

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1

General outlines, I'm the worst with proportions but it came out okay. I USED A RULER BECAUSE IF I DIDN'T IT'D BE A PICASSO HEART. I LIKE TO SHADE STUFF, I DON'T LIKE DRAWING OUTLINES. First I used a 3H pencil, and then I went again over the lines with a 2B.

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2

My favorite part in ever drawing is shading, so I had fun and was actually surprised at how it turned out. Did I draw this? Oh yeah baby, you did.

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3

This is stage one. The first time I thought it was ready. I wrote a post and I used this. I really liked it, it didn't take me so long and it was still fun. I felt like it could actually beat. I used 3B, 6B, 8B to shade all of this.

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4

Stage two. I couldn't help it. It needed color. I saw a girl paint with watercolors over a pencil drawing and I loved the effect. Sadly, I can't find watercolor paper here, because it would have been even better. I LOVE painting with watercolors, and I've never even done it right (seriously, the paper), but I love to get messy with paint and just the colors and everything <3 I had never used watercolors like this, I fell even more in love. Again, this felt complete, I didn't want to make a mess out of it because it already looked so pretty... But...

I like to ruin beautiful things. There's always the possibility that something great will come out of the fires I set.

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5

I had this vision. I wanted it to have flowers. But I don't draw flowers. I didn't know how it would turn out, as I don't know my own style yet, I had something in my mind but I knew that I couldn't recreate it, and that in the end, it would all create itself. As usual. I let it be. I used this one too, for a post. And yet again, I thought it was complete. I felt like somehow I had drawn my own heart. The black and white flowers seemed to express it very well. But it begged for more.

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6

I went mad. DRAW ALL THE FLOWERS, MAKE IT BLOOM. TAKE THE RISK, MESS IT UP, SET IT ON FIRE. I mean... Girl, chill. But yeah, I was excited. Too late I realised what a pain in the ass it would be to shade all of this. But I had to go all the way through... right?

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7

Flowers came out as mandalas, kind of, but they looked so pretty for me. I spent the whole day shading. My hand hurt. This was when I started to cry. A lot was going on in my life, painting was therapy but also it frustrated me. When it was over, I liked it so much, I didn't believe I was the one who had done it. I put so much effort in it, patience, love... It was beautiful... And it was over... Right?

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8

Yeah, I could say it was done. I liked the result, the contrast between the colored heart and the B&W flowers, the shading was nice. I would leave it alone. But the next day it wanted color. So watercolors came to the rescue again. I really liked it though.

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9

FINALLY. I spent so many days painting this because each flower was a pain in the ass. I had to plan colors, and it stressed me out. I don't know if I like it as much as I liked it with the B&W flowers, but I did feel like they needed color because otherwise it was kind of a sad heart. And my concept wasn't about a sad heart anymore. I ruined it adding it the prhase, but it had to go there, it has meaning for me.

Always let your heart bloom again. No matter how many times it shatters, no matter how much you want it to stay cold, black and white. Listen to it. It wants to bloom. It will always want to bloom. Don't be scared.

Let it.

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Edit: I used this as a reference. I'm sure the original copied reality. Because it's a heart, and nature invented it, and 99% of people can't draw a heart without a reference.

Original Source: Steele, Joel Dorman Hygienic Physiology (New York, NY: A. S. Barnes & Company, 1888)

_{When I said I wanted some drama token, I didn't mean I wanted this drama, I swear.}