The Story of How I Got Detained for Drugs at the Norwegian Border
Dear Steemians.
I have a confession to make.
I've been to jail.
Twice.
But not over something heinous and despicable that you would expect. I'm no criminal. I'd never hurt a soul unless it was in self or to somebody else's defense. Save for tattoos on my knuckles and forearms, most people would consider me a decent dude.
But I have been to jail twice.
I'll tell you the story about how I landed in jail the second time and I'll save the first one for another story over coffee or tea. The second time I got thrown in jail, was of all places, Norway.
I guess there's just not enough tattooed Hispanic looking dudes running around the country selling drugs and stealing their women, that I for some reason, immediately caught their attention as soon as I tried to cross the border.
My French car.
Whatever the case, as I was making my way towards the border I got flagged by this huge blonde Norwegian border patrol. I don't know what this dude's diet was but he definitely looked like somebody you didn't wanna mess with.
He approached my car and then lit a flashlight on my face.
The following conversation ensued...
Roided up Blonded Dude: "Where are you from?"
Cool Dude from California (me): "California."
Roided up Blonded Dude: "Your license plate says it's from France."
Cool Dude from Cali: "Yes?"
Cool Dude from Cali: "Well, I picked it up from Paris and now here I am."
The Blonde dude changed his tone and became sterner...
Roided up Blonded Dude: "Are you carrying any drugs in this car?"
Cool Dude from Cali: "What? Whoa. No! I'm just here to take pictures, man...You know. PHOTOS."
Roided up Blonded Dude: "If are honest with me tell me you have drugs right now it will be easier for you."
Cool Dude from Cali(me): "Man...Seriously? I am not carrying drugs!"
He sighed with disappointment and then motioned me to park my car around the corner. He disappears into a nearby building and came out with a much shorter less imposing guy who looked like he had more medals than his tiny little frame can carry - likely it was the big dude's commander or whatever they call them at state trooper level.
They proceeded to grill me about the drugs and then rummaged through my belongings inside my car and found no drugs. I reasoned that I didn't come to Norway to go on a date with Mary Jane to reefer party at 4:20. I came to Norway to photograph the green landscape not to play with weed!
They would believe none of it. They went back inside the building and returned with two dogs.
It was then I realized the gravity of the situation.
They had me surrounded by a squadron of fucking drug-sniffing dogs who can probably maul me to death with their sharp fangs or infect me with rabies. The dogs started sniffing around the car when the big blonde dude told me to follow him into the building.
I followed him to a jail cell and then he locks me inside. To my surprise, the cell looked very cozy. I mean, that shit was spacious yo! Hell, it looked better than half the hostels I've stayed at during the trip! It had a reclining couch, a 60 inch flat-screen TV, and a tiny little fridge with drinks.
I thought to myself, well if they're going to detain me here, I don't fucking mind! I've been sleeping in the car for the last 3 days a little break in this comfy jail cell wouldn't be that bad.
The big guy went outside to go to talk to his commander. While he was out, I made myself comfortable. I got me a cold one from the fridge and reclined myself on that couch and turned the TV on to watch a Norwegian soap opera.
About an hour later the big dude came back and uttered the most cringe-worthy sentence I have ever heard in my entire life...
"Take your clothes off."
I spewed the beverage I was drinking out of my nostrils so hard it could have reached as far away as Timbuktu. I can't even begin to express the kind of shit that went through my head with this big oaf of a dude standing there looking at me. I said to myself, I'm going down fighting if this guy tries something.
I mustered the only question I could: "Say what?"
"I have to check to see if you're hiding anything." He said.
Feeling awkward and running out of options. I hesitantly took my clothes off and stripped naked in front of this guy. I don't know what this guy's up to but I never had any homosexual desires running through my loins. Like ever.
Having grown up in a society where nakedness is viewed as taboo, you can imagine what I felt like in that situation.
And naked in front of another dude?
What could be worse?
Well, let me tell you...
See the picture of the pornstar Janine Lindemulder below?
Source: Blink 182 Album Cover - Enema Of The State.
What do you think happened next?
"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness." - Mark Twain
All photos are taken and articles are written by Adonis Villanueva of Always Wanderlust unless otherwise stated.
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You was lucky man, Norwegian prisons are like hotels :D
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That's right :)
I believe what is going to happen is that the dude rape you?
Anyways, a great story here from your usual photographs which you shot. I didn't know that your writing ablities are as good as your photos. Upvoted!
Nope, I would go down 6 feet under before any dude rapes me :)
Wow that is hard afiqsejuk
When I got to the point the officer asked you to take your clothes off, I lost it. I laughed so hard. You asked what was next, I am guessing they gave you a cavity search lol.
I don't feel like I have to divulge any information any further than that.
You tell stories in such a comedic way! I really had no problem reading your story. Usually I drift off because I have a short attention span. I bet if it was really Janine giving that search, you would have enjoyed it. Sorry you experienced that. People can suck.
:)
Good post !!
Ouch! So sorry you had to go through that, but thanks for sharing the story! :)
Yeah, not pleasant.
This post has received a 3.90 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @adonisabril.
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What a cliffhanger! A story to pass down to your future kids one day haha.
I'm not sure I can have kids after that!
Next??? There was an elephant with a large trunk who blew out the story... (that is what we tell the kids in the Netherlands)
I'm sorry that you had to go through this, it is unbelievable that they would put you in a cell just based on suspicion. Seems like abuse of power to me. I hope they let you go...
That's the cliffhanger, isn't it? It was classic profiling as profiling could be. You know who really smuggles drugs? It's the normal people from Norway that pass through those borders every day. Why pick me?
because everyone hates the French except the French ;) (oh, I do hope that I won't get downvotes for this)
Why? It's funny!
Not everyone gets my sense of humour ;)
Oh, trust me, nobody gets mine ;)
sounds like a challenge to me :)
I'm for sure no drug smuggler, but I can attest that it's extremely rare to be stopped at the Norwegian/Swedish border, regardless of transportation mode. I must admit that some few times after arriving at home I've started counting the amount of alcoholic beverages we bought abroad and realized ... damn, I would have had to serve prison time if they had stopped me!
This summer it's been a bit extreme though. Already previous summer I observed customs people stopping cars coming out from a ferry from Sweden. This summer I've been travelling quite much between Copenhagen, Gothenburg and Oslo, and I've had my ID documents checked several times, and questions about my luggage once (but he didn't want to inspect it). There was one dude on the train that ran into problems after going from Copenhagen to Malmö because he didn't have a passport. It's probably due to the immigration "crisis". Usually the customs only care about inbound traffic, but once there was even customs officers going through the train on the outbound trip. They stopped a random dude and asked if he had cash with him - but he just said "no" and they continued. I actually had significant amounts of cash with me on that trip, and was uncertain on how much it's allowed to bring over the borders.
I heard of a friend of my wife hitch hiking, I believe it was over the Russian/Norwegian border ... she was rather unlucky, the car she got a hitch with was indeed smuggling drugs - hidden in the seats of the car. I think she didn't get into legal troubles due to that, but she got rather thorougly checked. I didn't hear anything about cavity searches though.
As for your experiences ... I can't believe they can have done this without having a very good reason for it. Maybe they were searching for someone else. Maybe they got some tip. Maybe someone hates you and tipped them off. No, the police can't search you like that without a probable cause, but the border customs can! We always joke about the cavity searches, I never thought they were doing that for real though.
I had some colleagues that traveled to Costa Rica - with transit tickets through some airport in the US. Transit. I've never heard about people having to go through customs control when being in transit on an international airport - but apparently in the US that's normal. On their return the customs officers was like opening the suitcase and just emptying it recklessly. They had to undress too, but no cavity search ... and they probably got to keep the underwear on. When the customs were done with the search, they got like ten seconds to get the clothes on, repack the bags and get out of there!
We've had quite some border experiences in the Eastern Europe and former Soviet ... but at least I've never had to undress or had cavity searches.