How does being a mother changed my life?

A Mother’s Story

_{By: @haneun}

Realizations after realizations. Trials after trials. Challenges after challenges. Deep emotions that turned into depression...

Many knew that I was not ready to become a mom. Regardless the fact that I love kids; having a child of my own has never been my dream. Some knew the real reason, while others just 'pre-judged' right away without knowing the reason behind it.

Way back in high school, I was diagnosed with PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and my doctor told me that due to my ovaries ' condition it may not be possible to conceive a child. Since I was too young, I was not that alarmed. I just continued living my life knowing that one day I’ll be just taking care of the kids around me and not having my own child.

Fast forward...

I was 22 years old when my boyfriend and I were tempted to engage in PMS. Yes, I got pregnant first before getting married. The moment I knew that I was pregnant, mixed emotions started to rattle in my mind. I was shocked because I never thought nor have dreamt that it would be possible for me to get pregnant because of my condition. Next emotion was: I was totally scared on how I could let my parents know about it.

I came from a Christian family & getting pregnant before getting married is a great sin. Just thinking of what I’ve done, I forgot that I was carrying a baby on my womb. I got so depressed and even thought of ending my life because of depression, and the disappointment I brought to my family and the mistake I got engaged in. It was not easy at all.

I started crying while praying, asking God for forgiveness for the thoughts that was running through my mind, I know that it was wrong and it was another sin. I was also asking for strength for me to get through it. I asked God for understanding from my parents, (God knows how much I want to prove myself to them and that they should be proud of me at school and at work, but what I brought them instead was disappointment.) for them to understand and be able to forgive me. In the middle of my prayer I asked God to give me a reason why He allowed me to become pregnant knowing what my condition was.

Then one day, I realized that the reason why He allowed me to become a mom is to teach me the greatest lesson in life. Not because I got into sin doesn't means He can’t forgive me, not because I became a mom before being a wife means, I should be judged by people right away, that people can simply look at me as if I killed somebody, that I should be dragged down and be taken for granted.

Jesus showed me how much He loves me. Jesus showed me the things that I am more capable of. He showed me that there is no trial I can’t surpass because I have him. Jesus showed me that I am capable of loving someone I never expected to love.

My son may have come unplanned but never have I regret having him. He is a blessing. One of the greatest gift I have ever received in my entire life. He taught me a lot of things. A lot of lesson in life. He made me stronger than ever. Because of him I have more patience with problems. I started seeing life's challenges as blessings in disguise from God. And because of Zion I was able to see in me that I can be the best I can be.

It may not be a smooth start for me, but I was able to stand up after being trapped. All of that’s because of my love for my son and most of all that’s because I have the best Father in Heaven who forgave me, who loved me unconditionally and have continually to give me the strength which I needed to survive the life and responsibility He gave me.

I can’t ask for more. God gave me a smart, handsome, sweet & caring baby boy. All I can do is to thank Him everyday for this sweet blessing.

All Glory to God!

I’m not encouraging early pregnancy but this is a reminder and a lesson to all that becoming a mother in a young age is not easy. And to those who are moms to be that feel like it’s the end of the world for them and thinks that people may set them aside, always think that you are just starting the next chapter of your life and don’t mind those people bashing you, just pray and ask God for forgiveness and strength and all will just be fine in time.

Thanks for reading my blog post!