Mapped between Glasses
These days I'm often in between glasses.
Sometimes I sit here at night, book open — sets, mappings, identity functions on one page… and a face I sketched when my mind drifted on the other. And I wonder. Was yesterday the right decision? Would I be better off if I took the other turn, or if I had different light?
I think deeply. Maybe too deeply.
I don’t regret most of the decisions I’ve made. Not now, not ever. But sometimes I can’t help but get hurt by the people around me. I’m the calm-headed and joky type. I love to give people a lot of free space when they’re around me. Trust me, I don’t get mad if you tell me hurtful words. I just wave them like they’re nothing.
I’ve been mocked before — for my dressing, my hair, my shoes, even my lifestyle. It’s not new to me. And the funny thing is, you’ll still see me joke around with you after. I might be offended, but I rarely show I’m angry. I only share what I feel like, and I’m intentional about it.
I’ve had a lot of dark words directed towards me. They don’t break me, but they do make more shadows.
And those shadows keep stacking and dragging me towards the low lane. “Just mind my business,” I often say to myself. I don’t even feel the mood to take pics of myself most days. I’m not photophobic, but sometimes it just happens that I don’t feel like I’m fit for a photo. And if I do take one, it’s because I had to convince myself that I should have this moment to remember. But still, in the long run, it gets forgotten.
Haa, “a lovely day” I would propose, but deep down I just see every day as a normal day. While others are glad about something material, I just see it as nothing. All I do is enjoy the fantasies in my head and shove the thoughts away next.
I love exploring, but my sight sees more of the pits than stairs. I might have enemies, but yet my attitude remains the same. I might treat you to a meal even though my mind imagines poison. Well, we shouldn’t always expect that all will be well. But we should try to live a little, even though the scars are still there to remind you of the thorns.
It’s a nice night here, although it’s just the cold that makes it different around here in Ikole-Ekiti.
G’night guys, and thanks for reading this “junk” I’ve written.
I feel the same. I used to take photos and post them as well, but I was never a fan of it. I did that because it was what people did. Some of the stages or years of photos get saved, the locations I visited or somewhere I was and took a photo, or just random photos from walking around. I see some old photos lying around; they don't have to be mine to bring forth a trip down memory lane.
If you don't want to, don't do it.
It's not junk. I like it a lot.
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Thanks @corpsekaizen, I’m glad you liked it.
To be frank, what I wrote looks embarrassing, but it’s not so bad to let some things out that naturally want to come out on their own. A nice therapy session I’d say.
And you’re right about the photos
if it don’t feel right, don’t force it.
When I post , I feel the same way, sometimes I post and feel like deleting it, but there is no reversing it. A therapy session, not only for you but for the reader as well.