The Bus Ride: A Test in Guise

Being stuck in Lagos traffic is one thing everybody hates, especially when you're in a public bus squished right between two people the size of an elephant.

It wasn't until we got stuck that I began to question how I even ended up in that mess. Was I blind when those two people entered and sat beside me? It wouldn't have been such a unbearable situation if the greedy driver and his conductor hadn't overloaded the seats. Normally, it's four passengers per row, but they decided to squeeze an extra person in just to maximize profit. I would have boarded a better vehicle, but looking at my bank account, I knew those expensive rides weren't for me. I just had to bear the discomfort.

I sat beside a large woman by the window who was already exhausted from arguing with the driver for lying about the seat capacity. I didn't even have the energy for drama, so I just rested my head on the seat in a sleeping position until the car was full and we hit the road.

It’s just a one-hour journey, I told myself, trying to sleep through the pain. I didn't even realize when another heavy woman squeezed in as the fourth person on our row. The size of those two ladies combined was enough to occupy a full row of four, yet here we were, packed like sardines.

I endured it quietly until a loud "POUUUUAAAAPPPPPFFHH!" woke me up from my sleep.

I jumped up thinking it was rapture, instantly asking God for forgiveness because I had stolen meat from my mum's pot right before leaving home. It turns out the woman by the window had just released an atomic bomb of a fart.

At that point, I started wondering if it was my sins that caused me to enter the same bus with these passengers. Loud screams erupted inside the bus, but everybody quickly shut up and covered their noses when this demonic smell of rotten eggs hit us.

I called on God in my mind at least fifteen times, hoping for a direct teleportation straight to my job interview location. The man sitting behind us started cursing the woman, praying for the god of thunder to strike her, which quickly escalated into a serious argument.

They both switched to Igbo, so I couldn't understand most of it, but the English part I caught was the woman shouting: "This is Nigeria and we have rights! I have the right to freedom of movement and to do what I want!"

Honestly, that statement made me feel like turning her into a cockroach and stomping on her with my shoes. How do you drop a nuclear bomb inside a tight bus and still be claiming rights instead of drinking detergent to wash your stomach?

She doubled down in her defense, adding that farting is a "free gift of nature," making one lady in the front scream "Blood of Jesus!"

"Even the Blood of Jesus cannot wash this woman's stomach!" another passenger replied. Even the woman with the frowning face laughed a bit before everywhere finally calmed down.

Not long after that, we got trapped in traffic for over two hours. At that point, I had completely given up on the interview, but I couldn't turn back because I was already too far from home. I decided to still go and try my luck.

Then came another unfortunate twist that made me question if my village people were following me spiritually: our tire got punctured by a nail. That was when the driver realized his conductor forgot to pack the spare tire they had fixed earlier. I deeply regretted taking a cheap bus, but my account balance wasn't smiling, and getting this job was my only hope.

After forty minutes of waiting, the tire was finally sorted out, and I managed to unpack myself from the sardine can—not to rest, but to join the other men in pushing the bus because the engine refused to start.

By the time I finally got to my destination, I was thanking God for surviving that moving hellfire.

The heavy woman by the window alighted at the same spot. She mentioned she was also heading toward the venue where the interview was holding. Noticing she was carrying two heavy bags, I offered to help her with one, and she agreed. We chatted casually as we walked down to the venue together.

To my absolute shock, the interview hadn't even started yet. But the real shock came when the woman walked straight past the waiting area and right into the Chairman's office.

She was the Chairman of the company! She had only taken a public bus that morning because her official car had broken down.

My heart dropped into my stomach. I felt terrible remembering all the harsh words and insults I had quietly cursed her with inside the bus. But to my complete surprise, after reviewing my CV, she gave me the job on the spot—saying I showed great character and helpfulness by carrying her bag without knowing who she was.

I just kept thanking God that all those insults stayed inside my mind and never left my mouth. Otherwise, I would have walked straight into my own ruin!

Story by @dreeyor

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