You Abandoned Me at the First Smell of Stink

I think most people are just too selfish to look past their own charmed lives to even care. They feign ignorance while you're drowning, only to feign shock when the worst finally happens.

Not my problem, not my circus, not my monkey is their mantra.

To them, your pain is an inconvenience - an offensive disruption to their curated day.

They step back just enough to draw a line between us and you, but stay near enough for the spectacle, treating your life like a zoo exhibit while they bask in their first-class suite, sipping champagne and eating caviar.

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First published: Feb 22, 2024

You made sure that my stink didn’t waft anywhere near you lest it stick. The stench you feared was the smell of truth and of vulnerability laid bare.

Photo by Thomas Tourneux on Unsplash

in moments of turmoil
life hurls a wrench my way
i turned to you seeking moral support
hoping for your reassuring hand on my shoulder
but instead of finding comfort in your presence
i saw your eyes darting in every direction
everywhere but mine
as if you are looking through me
looking past me
like i’m invisible to you
then you sprinted
in the opposite direction

avoiding me as if contagious,
fearing my stench might taint you
while i grappled with the demons
wrestling my inner turmoil
you stood apart
near enough to watch
how things unfold for me
yet far enough to ensure my stench
would not engulf you
i’m shocked
by your indifference
alone in the void you left
i found a better version of myself
tapping into the depths
i never knew existed

your hands never reach out
but i learned to stand tall
in the silence of your absence
i rescued myself from the darkness
while i may never know
your reassuring touch
i’ll never forget the lessons
learned in your absence
in those moments of solitude

ironically,
i must thank you for your absence
thank you for the lessons you brought me

©Britt H.

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