Merry Christmas to All! But Bah, Humbug! My Way of Dealing With Not Feeling the Christmas Spirit This Year
I woke up this morning and it took me over 2 hours to finally muster up the willpower to get out of bed and do something. I thought I was doing fine, and I tried so hard to convince myself that I was. I even attempted to get myself into the Christmas spirit by trying to do a 12 Days of Christmas special edition of my daily singing videos, but clearly it did not work, as I stopped doing them a few days before Christmas. Just another one of my failed endeavors in life, I guess. I even went Christmas shopping with my Steem earnings and bought my best friends some cool gifts this year, but somehow even that didn't do much to lift my spirits and get me to feel this "Christmas spirit" that everyone keeps blabbering on about.
Christmas has always been a time to be with family or friends, just people you love, you know? Yet here I am on Christmas morning 2017, feeling completely alone, with no one to spend it with. I had plans and I was looking forward to them but they fell through at the last minute, and now (understandably so I suppose) none of my friends in the area are responding to my messages. That was basically my last-ditch effort to save Christmas for myself, and believe me when I say that it took a lot of effort for me to even do that.
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You see, I've always been the type of guy who doesn't really ask for help from anyone. I always feel like asking someone for help would be a burden onto them, and the last thing I would ever want is to put someone in a difficult position or make them feel like they have to do something just so that I won't feel sad or whatever. People can reassure me all they like that it wouldn't be a burden, but for whatever reason it's deeply ingrained into my psyche that asking for help with anything instantly translates to being a burden onto others.
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Anyway, it would be so much easier if I could blame my current winter blues on the whole canceled plans thing, but I know that that's not the cause of all this. It was merely the nail in the coffin, I suppose, but I feel like I was already on this trajectory to jump off the Christmas cliff, so to speak. I didn't even participate in @aggroed's Santagroed thing that he posted about last week, though I'm usually all too down to participate in things like that. I really don't know what it was, but I just have not been feeling very Christmassy this year, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to fix that problem.
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I don't know, guys...I just feel really alone right now and it sucks because I'm not used to feeling this way on Christmas Day. I miss my family. They are over a thousand miles away from me right now, having taken their usual yearly Christmas trip from LA to San Jose to be with the rest of our relatives for Christmas. I haven't even been able to bring myself to call them up and virtually visit with them for a while, because I don't want them to detect that all is not well in my world today. I don't want anyone's Christmas to be anything but good times and good vibes with the people they love most in the world.
I'm so used to today being a day to feast on a table full of ridiculous amounts of food while being around people I love, but as I write this all the stores are closed, too, and I have no food at home that I can even cook for myself, so even that is a change from what I'm used to doing on Christmas. I am home alone and have no extravagant feast to partake in this year. Is this just a part of growing up, realizing how horribly and hopelessly alone we are in this world? Having flown away from the comfortable nest that was mom and dad's home, left to fend for ourselves out in the "real world" and away from our loved ones?
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I don't even know why I'm writing this post, honestly. I guess it's my real last ditch effort to ditch this gloom and doom lonely mood. I've always found that writing helps me process emotions when I don't have anyone to talk to about them. To be clear, I don't blame anyone for the way I'm feeling right now. Things happen. This is just the way I've ended up responding to these circumstances that I've been dealt this year. I honestly don't know at this point if I'm just choosing to feel this way, but all I can say is that I've been trying to lift myself out of this mood and I've been trying several different things to help get me in the Christmas spirit, it's just that none of them worked out.
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It's weird, too, because you'd think with this crazy SBD and STEEM pump that's been going on the past few weeks, and with the money I've been making from it, that I'd be in a better mood this Christmas. You'd think, that with me recently winning a Ledger Nano S from the PayWithSteem raffle, that I would be in a more festive mood today. You'd think, that with my friends getting me such awesome gifts this year, that I'd be more in the mood to be celebrating Christmas today. You'd think, that with me waking up to it being a White Christmas after all, that I'd be ecstatic about today. But for some reason, it just isn't the case.
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In the end, the fact of the matter is that I'm gonna end up spending Christmas Day alone, and there's nothing else I can do about that. I guess, like everything else in life that we have no power over, I just have to accept that fact and move on with my life. Shit happens, right? I'm hoping that this mood doesn't last all day, and that I am able to find some sort of peace at some point today. Until then, I guess I'm gonna do what I always do when I start feeling depressed and alone in this world: watch Doctor Who. Season 5 Episode 10, to be exact, Vincent and The Doctor. That's my go-to episode whenever I start to get into this weird lonely depressed line of thinking. And then I'll probably watch all the Doctor Who Christmas Specials, too.
Thanks for reading, whoever did. I hope you are all having a much better Christmas than I am. Merry Christmas to you all!
Check out some of my other posts!
Six Sites You Need to Know About as a New Steemian
How You Can Withdraw Your Steemit Earnings to USD
How to Use Tags to Maximize Visibility for Your Posts and Gain More Upvotes
How The Minnow Support Project Helps You Achieve Your Dreams on Steemit
How I Achieved 200 Followers in My First Month on Steemit
Why I Chose to Invest $100 in Steem
How To Set Up Your Steemit Profile
The Dawn of The Dancing Dreamers
The Dawn of Friendship In a New Age
I'm Just an Island Boy Living in Utah who Loves EDM
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Gentle hug.
Oh another thing, i use to think the same way! Not asking for help, as it made me feel little, helpless or a burden but truth is that is not the case... it is just a story i created along his human experience, truth is i deserve assistance when i need it because i give so much of myself to others and the world. There is a natural law of give and take, an endless flow. Truth is i need you! I need you and other humans to help my growth to be he best human possible, this is a new realization to me, instead of separating from our world we NEED to get closer and realize we need eachother, we water eachother and provide warmth when needed, few not ashamed for when you need support that is what we are here for ! To be pillars so we have a strong foundation... i am here for you if you ever need a friend to talk to !
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Dude your one of the most genuine great guys I’ve ever met. Don’t let your mood be effected by the holiday and friends :/ you have friends . You have love. Don’t forget how awesome this adventure is that your embarking on;) cheer up . U can always call me
Your never alone my friend, you consist of trillions of cells that are consistently working on you so you can function the best version of you. It is not fun to be alone during the holidays when we end up alone usually it’s because we need to have some internal Love sessions, sometimes it can be hard to love ourselves when the exterior picture looks so rigid but the scratches and tears are so beautiful! There is beauty in everything, it all depends on the eye of the beholder. I hope you transform your self quality time into a loving day. I always talk to myself, in loving ways especially when i know i am feeling extra tender and need some extra love, i say loving things even if i don’t believe... but i start too after i say it enough, than the excitement comes! I hope you can find laughter in your day, laughter heals the heart. Be well, you are blessed, always, in any form you come ! We love you !
I read you, I dont know what to say really.
You should not feel like that, think about all the people that cannot even celebrate christmas because their country is on war, or the kids that lost their parents recently. I dont know but when I feel Im having a problem, I always think about others in this world which their problems are 10x than mine and always try to take the positive aspect of the situation. This are the moments that make us strong!
Buy yourself your favorite beer, or a good wine, tomorrow is going to be a new day!
A crypto hug from Panama.
Sending you some love ❤ hope it gets better
If u were in Arizona u could spend it with me bro! Sorry u got the blues today, wish i could do something to lift your spirits my friend. Im sure ur day will turn around, stay positive! Oh, and call ur family, it will make u feel better 😉
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