The mind of a pure cynic //Want to feel bad for a day? Read this// Comedy openmic round #32

Every one of us has cynical thoughts from day to day, but today is one of those days for me. You know those type of the days? The "fuck all" type of days....
Which is why im going to write this post.
Gonna take a look at some socially accepted "truths" and stomp on them. Stomp on them till there is nothing but giblets in my boots.
Ill change my socks when i get home... So dont worry.

Seems like fun? Well lets get into this.. First stop....

1. Romantic love....

Ugh, love. The absolute pinnacle of human emotion. The greatest prize we as human beings can gain in our life time. We all crave it. Need it. Look for it in the best and the most idiotic of places.

You know that stripper named after a fruit (No not "Mango". Mango is the 300 pound bouncer at the door) that can wrap her tongue around your waist like a belt. She loves you too.

Well.... romantic love is complete bulshit. A fabrication made up by shaved apes looking for something that goes beyond sexual attraction and a social agreement between two people that they will improve each others life..
Because lets be honest... If youre a poor and ugly bastard, "love" is only attainable if you find someone as poor and ugly as you.
Seems harsh?
Well Quasimodo begs to differ. That fugly bastard is still banging them bells by himself while someone else is banging miss whatshername....

Romantic love is nothing but a non inforcable verbal contract between two people. One side decides to tear it up, its void. Worst bet in life you can make. Super risky.... You put so much into completing the contractual agreement and if the other person decides to say: "fuck it"... Youre left there standing like a wild animal mauled you, staring into emptyness, running fingers across the mirror, counting finger stains.

You,dumb bastard you... The million dollars isnt in that box.

No, youre just a tool for the other person. Can you or can you not improve the life of that other person, financially, socially, sexually...

Is the cost (social and financial) for your "significant other" to leave lower then the measurable gain of leaving you? If it is, then youre fucked.

Carve a "T" into your forehead because you are a Tool if you didnt realize this already!

2. Parental love..

Oh jeez this is an easy one... We are all animals. I had a cat that got a bunch of little kittens. Oh she loved them so... For a while... Once that while passed you know what she did?
She brought them one by one to my grandfather and placed them in front of him.

Im done. They sucked me dry. Your responsibility from now on.

And she was done. Went about her business like she didnt know them. (Couple years later she had more kittens with one of her offsprings from years before, nature scary, eh?)
Why im saying this is because people are a bit different. We have a social component attached to having kids. Everything is the same but society is what keeps us from acting like animals.
Your parents love you? Unconditionally? Haha.

no

See how much they would put up with you if you lived 200 years ago in the wild west on some ranch away from society eyes.
Youd have a life expectancy of their cow Misty.

See, since there is a social component attached, every support beyond the teenage phase (grown up) is tied into you being a liability to their social status.
You are an extention of them and if you are a unsuccesful mofo in life then youre hurting their image. Cant have you go homeless. Youll make me look bad.
Shit, i know for some reason that one of the most powerful women in recent history, Margharet Thatcher, had a son that was a mechanic and i couldnt give two shits about UK. I have nothing to do with UK and i know this. Why? you may ask. Because social norms.

Stallin locked his mentally challenged son in a closet under the stairs to hide him from the world. We cant have that today. Mmmmmm nonono.

So yeah. Unconditional love? No such thing.
Bah, breaks, give em to me.

3. Steemit friendships.

Just because. This is a stupidly easy one. Haha.
I could sum it all up in one sentence....

How fat your wallet bro?

How many people you know for sure, that if Ned said: "Look, i dont like that friend of yours, tell him to go away, and ill upvote you 100% for a year"; wouldnt take that deal...

None of them you say? Haha. Gotta pay those bills. Car needs tanking, diapers expensive, gotta move from that 2 layer toilet paper to a 4 layer one.

Youll be dumped eventually. The nice ones will let you down slowly. Stop responding to your posts, stop upvoting. Stop dming.. But they will get there.
See Steem friendships do not go beyond your "real Steem reputation" in the community and your wallet size.

Ned, the spot is open... Be my best friend.
No, you say? Anyone?

And there you have it folks. I just want to add few more things to remember.

If youre over 70, the doctors dont give a flying fuck about your cancer if you dont pay extra.
The government is there for itself, not you.
When you crapped your pants in elementary school during class and your teacher said that it happens and you shouldnt feel bad... She was lying.

Have a great day. Hope this post helped reinforce your will to live.

if this post hits 382009765$ ill make another on the same topic.

I forgot to nominate... How bout @soundwavesphoton and @gray00