I confess that when I first heard about Steemit last Spring, I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I worried that it would be a burden and a stress factor for me, due to the burnout and the state of my health. I discarded the idea and even got upset at my husband for insisting I give it a try, stating that I wanted to be free to choose how and where I share my content. Obviously something had triggered. I felt that it would add to my anxiety and that it would be an extra load over my shoulders I didn't want to have to deal with. I couldn't handle the prospect of something extra to do and I was completely closed to the idea.

Then I realised I was hindering myself and blocking the flow of energy and abundance into my life somehow and worked through those things.

Afterwards, in June, I was open to the idea to try it out, but it had to be on my terms. You see, growing up, suggestions were never suggestions but obligations. So there was my trigger point. And then in the abusive relationship, same thing. Talk about major law of attraction, getting in with a psychopath who did the very things my parents (who are loving and kind but unwittingly did things because they thought it was best) had done when I was young.

So I was very clear that this was going to be an honest try, under my conditions and rules and what-nots. I was doing my way, for me, not because someone told me to, but because I was now aware of its existence and I would see what it was.

I gave it a true honest try, and Steemit showed me the kindness that made me stay and the generosity and abundance that allowed me to dedicate my time and energy to the platform and community more prominently. From there, I managed a way to drop some things I didn't need (I don't need to share on Facebook, it wasn't bringing me any views or followers or anything), and I found ways to be efficient. I chose to dedicate certain days (never the same days) to Steemit specifically, other days, I'm barely on, if I'm on at all, this way it doesn't take away from anything else. I worked through the burnout fears and triggers that had me be so gung-ho about the whole thing and I found out that I enjoy being here. So much that if I'm on here too much, well, I need to be a little less OCD about it and allow myself some time away so that I can accomplish other things. When I say, today I'm editing videos, I do that. When I say today I'm on Steemit, I do that. Days, hours, whichever I choose, I'm choosing.

When I think back at how adamant I had been, I feel bad. I have this thing about me where I give personalities to inanimate objects. Once I felt sad because of a mushroom I didn't want to eat and then I didn't want it to feel bad or rejected. Well, to be fair, it was that time of month, but still. All to say that I don't want Steemit to feel bad or rejected, because I know how that feels, and I want to give Steemit a hug for not judging me and accepting me and understanding what I was going through. Now we're friends :)

I'm sorry, Steemit, I'm sorry I judged and rejected you in the same manner I have been in the past. I appreciate you being in my life and everything you bring to me: the people, the friends, the laughs, the energy, the positive vibes, the monetary abundance, the following. Thank you for being patient and letting me in :)

(/Sigh. I'm post-menstrual.)