First Post on Steemit in 4 Months // Long term Depressive Episode
I haven't posted anything on Steemit over the last four months in part because of work and in part because of a major depressive episode after a manic summer. Summer was great. If bipolar disorder was all mania and no depressive episodes, I would be happy to sign up for it voluntarily.
But the last four months have been a bit of hell on earth for me. For two of the four months, I could barely get out of bed, except to work or take my kids to school. I was more suicidal than I had ever been in my life, actually considering ways to end my life. I am convinced that if it wasn't for my children, I probably wouldn't be here, but the thought of exposing them to a suicide and thereby increasing their own chances of suicide was too much for me, thankfully. It is doubtful that I will have the energy to post on here very frequently, but I wanted to force myself to write something to try and re-engage with the process.
I'm still here and still alive. A new medication I have started specifically treats depressive episodes from bipolar disorder, and it is helping me. Hopefully my mood will continue to improve, and I will be more active in my life. One can hope.
I'm so glad you're back here with us! New medication can be a god-send.
I've dealt with depression since I was 10 and realized that that's what it was.. I'm 26 as of Dec. 31st. I've never been on medication and I've tried to kill myself many times.. but always failed.. Come to terms with the fact that I can't self-terminate for whatever reason.. and am glad.. I have family who loves me and so do you..
All I can say is, you can beat it. It will always get you down, but you CAN beat it. Just have to figure out ways to kick it's ass and even then, you'll still have periods of time where it overwhelms you.
Keep your head up and continue to fight the beast, I am here for you if you need to talk. I know what it's like and I know all the different ways it can rear it's butt fucking ugly head.
Much love goes out to you, family.
I also, recently became a father.. and for the first time, I felt more than ever that I truly had a reason to live.. Even though the time surrounding her birth and after has been controversial and I have not been able to see her for months due to paternity not being proven in the beginning and my baby mama deciding to be vindictive over our relationship ending.. I am keeping my head up because my little girl needs me, fuck myself at this point is how I feel.. Depression can't have me.
Glad you are back and that you got through a tough time. I've also had some hardships since I joined Steemit in June. Things are also looking better for me, too.
-- @matthewdavid
Best of luck with these issues, that is so good to read the meds feel like they are helping, hope this continues for your family and for yourself to enjoy that time with your family
I love and miss you man. Sorry to hear and not reaching out in your absence.