hey there...

Hey there,

Uh, I don't know what I want to say but I think I've got to say something. I want to say something. At least. I don't know if I've lost touch with my consciousness as the body I supposedly have feels dead. My feelings, thoughts and behaviours are all disconnected and I can't tell why I am aware of all these things that are happening to me and uh, why I've lost the courage to address them.

So… let me get back to where my initial thought was.

Hey there…

How's life?

Are you… (no, I wasn't going to say open mindeu, exorcise the thought!)

I honestly hope you're... happy wherever you are.

Tell me, are you sitting, standing or lying down? I want to know how the receiver of this message was when they saw it. As for me, I'm sitting. On the floor.

So today was pretty much the same.

The room is dark as usual. The bright LED lights freak me out. They hurt my poor eyes all the time so I turn them off all the time to maintain my sanity… Hmm, sanity.

Mom and Dad?… No, they're not around. They're prolly at work or something. They… Forget about them, really. They should be fine.

So, where did I stop?

Yeah, it was pretty much the same as it was. My life is really boring, you know. And I want to make it interesting. I want to make it fun. So I may have to go somewhere… for a glow up.

I can't recall the last time I felt genuinely fulfilled, genuinely happy with the way my life is… I'm just… here, surviving… I guess.

This is going to be so much fun. And yeah, you guys would know all about it, but not now, okay. I can't tell you now, it's a secret. Haha.

The glow up would officially be done in like five hours and just me that's needed to do this, okay. Um, I think I should be going… now.

See you next time.

Bye.

Um, yeah.

“Hey there,

I don't know what I want to say but I think I've got to say something. I don't know if I've lost touch with my consciousness…”

“I think that's enough, Stella.” Mr. Warner spoke softly as he tried collecting Stella's phone from her for the 100th time. Stella refused to budge. She didn't let him snatch her phone from her, she pushed his hands away, warning him. Instead, she just crouched back on the marble floor and put the phone even closer to her now swollen face. Her former vibrant skin had become pale and dry. Her tear glands couldn't produce any more tears and her eyeballs were tired of the screen it was forced to consistently watch.

“...to maintain my sanity. Hmm... sanity.”

Mr. Warner stood silently beside his unwell wife. Slowly, he sat on the ground and balanced beside her. She hadn't taken her bath for over three days since the catastrophic incident. Or better still, event. She wasn't the same person anymore. She wasn't the Stella he knew. Guess that's what grief does to a person. She was handling it worse than he fathomed. She had refused to eat, sleep or bathe. She was still in the same official clothes she'd worn to work that day.

She had basically lost her body and soul when she saw Liam's hanging body.

Liam, the love of her life, their only son, had taken his life while his parents had gone to work. At first, she was in denial. Both parents were in denial. They didn't believe it. It slowly dawned on them. They'd never meet him again. Never speak to him again, never cook for him, never encourage or advise their only son anymore. It was… basically the end for them.

And, they'd never had thought something was wrong with Liam before. He was a happy kid… he looked like a happy kid. Just being a Warner by default, made him popular and attractive to people. His parents genuinely thought he was a happy kid. And to the best of their knowledge, they'd done everything they could to make him satisfied and happy. Provided him with everything he ever wanted, so what could have gone wrong? What did they do wrong?

Stella was hooked on Liam's last video on his Instagram page. His suicide note. The video he'd posted just moments before unaliving himself. She replayed the video again and again, till it became her only routine task. Mr. Warner couldn't tell if she'd memorized every word in the video but he sure did.

“Liam…” Mr. Warner heard her say as she moved her thumbs across the screen and gently stroked Liam's blonde hair.

He felt helpless.

On one hand, he'd lost his only son and child and on the other hand, he was slowly losing the love of his life.

He knew he had to do something, but where would he start from?

He tried to reach her through words. Sat beside her, said her name and touched her hand. She didn't respond and shrugged him off. It was as if she didn't even know he existed at all. The only thing she was concerned about was Liam's video.

He didn't even know whether it was wrong or right to just be there or not. She was just… pushing him away. Sometimes, she'd just burst out crying, then stop, then go back to watching the video. It's like she'd forgotten that he existed.

Then he decided to stop trying. Not because he'd given up. But because he realized that he doesn't know what he's doing. He's never done this before. Nobody teaches you how to grieve your child.

Image gotten from Pexels.