Music with high BPM, when my heartbeat stops
I was young, i was really young and innocent. I was a little child of 6 years, when my parents got divorced. And from then on my life went downhill. Fighting at home, nearly everyday. I got beaten by her, that was the way how the fights ended. Every time. I got bullied at school, i screamed, i cryed and i ran away from school. A somehow friend of mine back then got bullied at school that much that she didn't wanted to go to school anymore. Me too. Still i had to keep going, while at her it was 'too much' and it got respected by her parents. If we didn't fought at home, there wad still trouble with my uncle who lived in that house too. We called often the carabinieri because of him. And then the justice. What does justice even mean? Does it mean i have to live like that, while on the other hand my dad is waiting for me, two villages further, with open arms? Where it would be heaven for me. But that heaven i can experience only once every two weekends. I died. I died a long time ago. I have that feeling since a long time now. At least when i'm alone. So i listen to music with high BPM. I guess that's what needed when your heart doesn't skip a beat anymore. So you get it elsewhere.
Sorry i don't want to cry over this again. I just tried to express myself somehow but i'm really bad at poems and other forms of writing don't come to my mind. It should be a poetry, i guess, but i'm not sure how this form would have to be written and i didn't just want to give AI some prompts and it generates me a poem or something, that it has some flow in it or something. Still, thanks for reading it :)
Dir geht's nicht so gut im Moment...? Du warst auf einem guten Weg - und eigentlich weißt Du, daß Rückschläge vorkommen. Da geht die Welt nicht unter. Deine Vergangenheit hat viel kaputt gemacht, aber Du solltest sie langsam loslassen. Schau nach vorne, für Deinen Kleinen.
Es geht einigermaßen, danke :) zur Zeit ist das Thema wieder etwas aktueller bei mir, da mir die Psychologin Atypischer Autismus diagnostizieren wollte. Ich wusste nicht, was ich davon halten soll, somit habe ich zur Abwechslung mit ChatGPT geschrieben und das war der Meinung es könnte eher (k)PTBS (=komplizierte, Posttraumatische Belastungsstörung) zutreffen. Also machen wir beim nächsten Termin einen Fragebogen dazu. Ist ja gut, so gesehen, dass ich die Diagnose nicht einfach hinnehme, um eine Diagnose zu haben und evtl. eine Alternative suche. So stimmt dan nachher die Therapie auch besser überein :)
Aber hier wollte ich wirklich nur versuchen etwas mit meinem Schreibstil zu experimentieren, meinen Gedanken/Gefühlen etwas mehr ausdruck verleihen usw. Ich hab sonst halt nicht wirklich was anderes, worüber ich wirklich "gut gefühlt" schreiben kann ;)
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Beruhigt mich ein bißchen. Dann drücke ich die Daumen für mehr Klarheit und vielleicht griffigere Ansätze in der Bearbeitung.
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@wakeupkitty
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@wakeupkitty
I used to also listen to those mind-numbing sounds. Music works, but I get bored with the same music, so I venture throughout the genres. I had an MP3 in college we were not allowed to use phones or even the internet. I am from a religious background where music is considered a devil. I used to get beaten for listening to music, and hearing your story sparked this memory of mine. You can rant all you want; I am here to listen. Bullying I never suffered from it, but according to psychology books, it sticks with you. It feels like the whole world just hates you.
Next time you try writing, listen to the same music and write whatever comes to mind. When I started writing for the first time, people said I have no coherence.
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I also get bored tbh. I have those 2 genres i really like, one is called frenchcore and the other is called tekk and i listen to the same tracks everytime^^ so when it gets bored i switch to tekk fe. and then i "re-discover" my frenchcore tracks and listen to them again ;)
Oof.. getting beaten just for listen to music is hard :( sorry for sparking those memories again :/
Thanks for your offer and thanks for resteeming my post, have a great week ;)
No, it's not a big deal in my part of the world, it came out wrong. It's not like people here are specifically evil; it's just that the culture is like that, but its improving similar to the West. I listen to French music. I also researched 'tekk', it's a Germany/Netherlands-specific term. I'll try that one too.
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Still, beating someone just because of music is crazy in my opinion. Like i wouldn't survive without it^^
Frenchcore isn't exactly french music. It has it's originates from France, therefor it's name, but it's similar to hardcore, just faster and eith more distortion-effect. And tekk is mostly german, at least that one i always hear. Then again, there existsany subgenres of tekk, like raggatek^^ italy fe. has it's own tecno etc. Just don't listen to the austrian tekk, i still don't understand that one xD