Love, life, coffee and sunsets

This beautiful sun set was taken in front of my house last night watching as the sun creeped over the fire station on a beautiful August evening I had a thought;
it’s amazing how fast time flies by. It felt like just yesterday I was a kid, now I’m rasining my kids. All the joys and innocents we as children take for granted, having our parents around , grandparents , friends and the feeling of being safe now I must achieve those things for my children. I’m fast approaching 30 like a freight train barreling into town. Everyone tells me how great 30 will be but all I can think of is what 30 represents. My oldest son will be starting kindergarten the day after my birthday, it’s a very exciting time but also part of me longs for the early mornings, the sleepy cuddles and sweet soft sound of him cooing. After all he’s my baby, my first! My first son, the first thing I INSTANTLY loved! I heard someone once refer to children as pancakes ‘the first one doesn’t always come out right but you keep trying’ well I can contest that isn’t correct. He truly is such a wonderful child full of love and excitement, he has such a pure heart and extremely friendly and outgoing. He’s very polite and uses his manners (just as mom and dad taught him) so why am I so worried? Why does this step that every child (and adult) must take feel like I’m losing apart of me? Maybe it’s the mother in me wanting to keep him safe, keep his feelings from being hurt (kids can be so cruel) or is it that I can’t processes the fact that I’m leaving one decade behind to start a new one, which I don’t know what that will bring!

20s brought me partying, fun , work , love , hope , family and a forever so what will 30 bring? Well I hope it brings, good friends, lots of laughs, limited tears, love, health and the undeniable feeling of my heart burst at the seams as I watch my 3 beautiful boys grow up. This whole change scares the crap out of me, what if I do something wrong? what if my oldest has a rough go in school? What if..what if...what if! But I can’t keep living my life (in my head) with ‘what ifs’ I need to ‘let it be’ it will be what it will be, my husband @cannabisguy420 has been amazingly supportive as my break downs come more frequently as the days close in to September, I know we as parents have done the best job that we can, we prepare our son for the real world but also keeping some of his innocents. If it weren’t for my wonderful husband I would be feeling like I was drowning in emotions but he’s always been the realist.

So as August chugs by and we creep into September try and see the beauty in the small things, a child’s laughter, butterflies fluttering , warm cup of coffee, good company and a beautiful sunset shared with the ones you love Afterall we have this one life to live. One thing is garenteed in this very moment in time your here, your breathing and your alive.