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RE: Short Sci-Fi Story - Sky People (ENGLISH/TURKISH)

in #fiction6 years ago

I was going to make a comment on some odd word choices and grammatical mistakes, but then I noticed you are bilingual, and English likely isn't your first language. In that case, absolutely fantastic job on this. It flowed really well, and there were precious few times I had to reread a section to understand what was being said.

The one thing I suggest that isn't completely related to the grammar is your formatting for dialogue. Initially, you use lines preceded with a dash to indicate a text conversation, which works well enough. But later, you reuse this in a face to face conversation, which threw me off a bit, but I decided maybe this was just how you handled conversations without actions in between the dialogue. However, you later embed these exchanges within paragraphs, again changing your approach.

For conversations, I typically have a new line for every time the speaker changes. This helps keep things from running into each other. Having a character take a minor action right before a line can also establish who is speaking, or even just having a "character said" or "character spoke out" line before their actual line to help anchor the reader. But again, really good job overall.

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Thanks for your feedback. I would appreciate if you state odd word choices and grammatical mistakes next time. I am not fluent in English, I use yandex translator and microsoft bing translator to translate my stories into English, then work on the translated text.