Wacky Facts by Agent K #40: Did You Know That Sucking a King's Nipples Was a Great Thing in Ireland?

When I think of Ireland I usually think of very specific things: my Irish friends there, my ex's father John (who's from Limerick), U2 and Bono, potatoes and this guy right here....The most famous MMA fighter in the world today!

Source: Giphy

Occasionally, I will think of  Van Morrison as well, but only because of one song I love titled "Brown Eyed Girl." 

This morning during research, however, I discovered one more interesting fact about ancient Ireland. Apparently, sucking the king's nipples in Ireland, was seen as a gesture of kindness a few centuries ago. 

The Menu of the Day 

It may sound like a joke, but it's not. Sucking an Irish king's nipples was the ultimate way of showing your gratitude, appreciation and submission to him and the royal crown. 

The Irish were so serious about the whole thing that there were official reception days that the King accepted guests and exposed his nipples in order to be worshiped. No shite!!!!!!

Source: Giphy

So, having no nipples could be a biggggg problem for any male who wished to be a king one day. 

According to Huff Post, cutting off a royal descendant’s nipples made him ineligible for kingship. Not as subtle as poison, but undeniable evidence of his unsuitability for a kingly role. No nips, game over. 

At least now we know where the expression "suck ass" derives from, no? Also you know what to do in order to  schmooze your Irish friends. It won't be a problem if your Irish friends look like that, huh? 

Irish model Laura Whitmore  - Source: FHM

References

Nippled Irish Royalty and Their Less Fortunate, Usually Dead, Nippleless Relatives

Digging up the past