The things I do for love. Instead of 'Oh for the love of Hop', a vasectomy was in the cards today
My wife's idea of being superfunny
So I just recently started my Oh for the love of Hop posts, but today I have to skip. I am not allowed to drinkt beer today. Much sad. Such thirst.
The right thing
I am not allowed to drink today, because I had a vasectomy today. Our family is complete (two beautiful boys).
Even before our second son was born, my wife expressed the desire to not get back on birthcontrol pills. Reason being that she doesn't want unnecessary hormones in her body. And I find that very understandable. So, being the awesome standup guy that I am,I offered to undergo the vasectomy. Today was that day.
I've not been looking forward to it to be honest. Not that I didn't want to do it, but I am just not a big fan of hospitals & surgery in general. Also, it IS all taking place in and about the manhood area. Thats sacred ground. One does not fool around in that area !
T-0
When we (my wife was so kind as to accompany me indy moment of terror) arrived at the black torture dungeon of terror, otherwise known ad the hospital, the first thing I was told was this:
the doctor is running 30 minutes late.
Sure, prolongue my dread even further why don't you. The walls were closing in. Periferal vision squeezing down to a pinprick. How was I to survive this for another 30 minutes !
every man's nightmare
Somehow I did manage to not drop unconscious in those 30 minutes. And from the depths of my being, I heard my name being called. Time was up. T-0 ... Snipping time. I look up and stare into the pretty face of a young blonde female doctor of about 28 ... you have to be farnarkling kidding me !! This brightfaced angelic student is going to sever my cohones !! For real ?! Where's the softspoken warm bariton voiced fartherly elder doctor I was expecting !!
Well then ... I guess this is the embodyment of every man's fear when something needs to be done around the manhood regions. Too late to back out now though.
After a quick intake I was shown to the Operating Room. I was then gently ushered to a bathroom and kindly asked to remove the bottom half of my clothing. For some reason, the tune from Jaws was playing through my head ...
Coming back into the room I had to lay down on the table where they disinfected the netherregion. I'll spare you the rest of the details. Suffice to say that the entire procedure took only 15 minutes.
I am now down on my couch, popping Acetamenophin, cradling my two fallen brothers in a big icepack and feeling very sorry for myself.
After all this, my super awesome wife whom I love very much presented the plate up top for dinner ... hmpfff.
Full STEEM ahead my fellow Steemians
LOL, I appreciate the situation, but just imagine how your wife felt for the 9 months leading to the boys... Everyone and their mothers gets to look and place their hands wrist deep in places unknown just to assist you in producing a cantaloupe sized human, that has been mincing your insides...
Glad you made it through, and thanks for the sacrifice, and be safe in the belief that us women understand what it feels like to let people near (and in our case IN) our crown jewels.
TIP! Grab a latex glove, fill it with water, tie it, put it in the freezer supported by a large orange and voila! You have a cool, cupping support that gets to all the corners the ice bag might not without freezing unnecessary parts like your thighs and the sausage that accompany the potatoes! Enjoy!
Oh I imagined. It's the whole reason I offered to do this in the first place. As a sort of thank you for getting our boys on this world, now it's time for me to do my part. Great tip about the orange. My wife already mentioned the latex gloves. I opted for the icepack cause I'm insanely stubborn and unwise (and afraid that latex globe might pop or start leaking).
Beep beep. Hi @olayar!
You have used tip! in your comment - that`s my magic word for sending tips ;)
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And another man bites the dust... TIP: Do extend this "I'll comfort you" period as long as possible bro! This must be worse than the man flu!
I hope to, but Marijke is smart and sure to catch on to those tactics sooner rather than later. Man Flu's got nothing on The Snip
I never did learn about vasectomies, do they alter testosterone production?
it shouldn't. It just blocks the semen pipeline.
Oh dear. I just read this now, but lmao at "the black torture dungeon of terror". As a fellow fallen brother, I feel your pain man :)
I'm sure you felt quite more then my pain.
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