What if I posted every one of my cuts and burns when I almost lost limbs over from PTSD from a very mesed u place having Aspergers. Also CANNABIS/kratom

I cant take this anymore.

I feel people push all the crap to the side and never dealt with it.

Socitey won't even allow me to get cannabis TRIM, not event the stuff that is for getting high, high CBD 1:1 ratio, not 25% thc .02 CBD (that is horrible, it should always over around 1:1.

I went over 100 days sober and have been able to take little amounts of kratom and never have had a single alcohol kraving in over 100 days and am confident I never will again, kraatom and cannabis oil are amzing and you need nothing else

I am trying not to just say I have high func. autism where I'm horrible socially so I graduated with honors but now am looking for something in the cannabis industry and I will pack upi and move TODAY if I could find a way that $400 would pay for a place for me to live in a legal state.

A dream would be where I could get a roommate of $400 who have a place where I could set up two 2x4 tents, 450w or so in each one.  But I'm 35 and every single dream fails.  I can't post ever day about anything and the points go above 3 cent.  That's fine, I just dont' liek facebooko and wated to be understood without people saidng is  shoudl be dead.

I love you guys.  I really don't want to die.  It's just cannabis is all around me and I have no way of getting it so all I know is to find some seeds, hope they are real, and try them which is what I'm doing but the stress from going 4-8 months growing with zero cannabis flowering and having nothing for half a year if I do eveyrthing right.  And just SUCH a small amount it takes away the Autism over-secretory issues from light and sound and sometimes a tone of voice (fight r flight could come off out of nowhere.)

I don't want to die, I don't want to live where the first 4 hours of every day is getting out of pain and cannabis leaves EATEN RAW stops a great deal off all this and doesn't even cause a high.  If I just had the leaves most people THROW OUT!  I could have half of my neurological medicine.  The other edibles and stronger oils for the highest nerve pain and the freaking out like I"m 'going to  die panic attack.  2 inhales, and it's GONE, the PTSD that is different for different people.  I've been thinking of it when getting a little medic aided and it's easy to let go.  On day I'll be able to grow my own, I have great faith in that.  If anyone has any ways to learn well let me know!