Growing up… or slowly becoming lonely?

How are you, my dear friends? I hope everyone is well and healthy. I am also well, thanks to your love and prayers. Today, my mind was a little different, so I thought I would write something down, maybe you too will find some similarity to these feelings somewhere.

How many times in my childhood did I think, "Oh, when will I grow up?" Actually, I used to think that only when I grow up can I arrange my life the way I want. Then no one will nag me, no one will tell me to sit down to study, I will be able to sleep as I want, I will be able to arrange everything for myself, I will be able to move around as I want, and I will be able to make any decision in my life. That is when everything will be in my own hands. I used to think that it is not just me, but all of us who are human beings think that, and we thought that you cannot deny it when we were children.

But friends, let me tell you something no:, growing up is not that easy. Today, when I have really grown up, I understand that freedom and responsibility have come at the same time in life. Now, when I stand in front of the mirror, I can't find the person I knew before. A little tiredness in my eyes, a little strained expression on my face, maybe everything is fine from the outside, but somewhere inside,e there is a strange emptiness. Don't you think that's what happens?

Now, at this time, I suddenly remember those carefree days of school and college. Back then, I didn't worry so much about the future. But now, the morning starts with worries:s, what will my career be like, how will I handle my family responsibilities, and will I get my bills at the end of the month? There's always an invisible pressure swirling in my head, isn't there?

When I was a child, I used to look at my parents and wonder why they worried so much. Now I understand that responsibility doesn't just mean work; responsibility means silently swallowing many of my own desires for the sake of my family. Now, I have to put aside my hobbies, my own small dreams, and think about others first.

But believe me, friends, now there's another thing that hurts the most. Slowly, familiar people are moving away. There was a time when the day seemed incomplete if I didn't talk to my friends. Suddenly, a phone call, a sudden meeting, hours of talking, no plans. And now? Everyone is busy. Everyone has a different struggle, a different world. Months pass, but there is no time to talk openly. A “How are you?” is sent on Messenger, but that previous excitement is no longer there. This is how our and my current lifestyle is going.

A strange distance sometimes forms within the family. No one goes away on purpose, but life gradually pushes everyone in different directions. Every day, with its work, responsibilities, and reality, we sometimes become alone even under the same roof.

The most difficult time comes at night. When all the noise stops, when the surroundings become silent, the words inside you can be heard very loudly. When I sit on the balcony and look at the sky, I think, is this the growing up that I waited so long for as a child? In fact, was this what I wanted, that life would be like this?

Now I understand a little bit that maybe life is like this. To grow up, you have to lose something or the other. Maybe that cheerful, cheerful person needs to change a little by little. Even if he is sad, he can no longer cry easily. He has to put a light smile on his lips and say, “I am fine.”

Because we are adults now. And adults don’t have to be sad too much; they just have to fulfill their responsibilities. Still, a question remains somewhere.

Am I really growing up?

Or am I slowly becoming lonely little by little?