I liked him
I really did
and I don't like a lot of people
so it was hard to admit
but it's true
and he'd never know it was him
if he ever read this
but he is out there
somewhere
so I guess what I'm hoping is
that some day...he'd read this
and he'd understand
that even though he wasn't the man
I thought him to be
he still meant something more to me

Source

see he wasn't really the pellucid type
he wasnt transparent
and dont get me wrong
he was never one to hide his thoughts
but his feelings?..no
he hated vulnerability
and being susceptible to things
but i understood why
i understood his precautions
he hid his emotions
beneath irony and sarcasm
i could understand
why he did those things
cause the risk wasnt worth taking
the sacrifice wasnt worth making
the risk of being honest
and the sacrifice
of putting ur heart on the line
it just....wasn't worth it
and the thing is
i did the same
so no one was to blame
but in his attempt to seem indifferent to things
he changed
he became the kind of man
i ran away from
and honestly i was disappointed
but not surprised
yet these days
i think of the times we left behind

i think of the deep things
we talked about
and the silly things
we laughed at
and i notice myself missing him
i miss those talks
but, ....he...probably
......will never know that
but what i'm trying to say is
"dear Mr Knitrias
if u ever come across this writing
i apologize for the bad timing
and my inability to reciprocate
to the things u said
when u took a chance on me
and told me how u felt..
and this is not to get u back
nor to rewrite the past
but all those times
i played my impassive persona
.......was all a lie
and those split seconds
where u decided to be the bigger person
and laid ur armor aside
..where you compromised
to take the first step towards me
....and i... took a step back
that .....
i sincerly apologize for

and even though you changed
and you pushed me away
i dont blame you
cause there is so much denegation
a person can take
and deep down.... i know
that its not like you left me
but more like i let you go

KNITRIAS PROJECT

WORLD OF XPILAR