Incredible India Monthly Contest of January #2: Protective vs. Possessive!

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These words are interchangeably related when looked into. We most times act possessive while thinking we are protective. Let's look deeper into the meaning of these two P's.

Just like I said earlier, there are little similarities between these two words but come from different places within a person. “Protective is like care with boundaries, it is motivated by love, care and concern for another person's wellbeing. A protective person gives the other person room for choices even though those choices involves risk.

On the other hand, “Possessiveness” is a heavy one filled with the fear of losing someone, fear of being replaced or the fear of not being enough. While it may look like love, it hinders access to freedom. A possessive person always want control over decisions, reassurance at the expense of the others comfort.

I would say that the clear difference between these two words is “Freedom.” protectiveness grants access to growth and be independence while possessiveness restricts them. One says “I care about you” but the other says “I'm scared to lose you”, you get reassurance from protectiveness while you get suffocated with possessiveness.

Its very possible to experience both in a relationship, but it shouldn't get you confused. Love should always feel safe not monitored. When you see protectiveness cross its boundaries into control, it transforms into possessiveness. Recognizing these difference is important in building a healthy relationship where both parties feel valued and free.

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Possessiveness is not usually generated from a place of malice, most times unresolved emotional struggles helps it mature. I would say that one major problem is insecurity. There are people in a relationship who doubt there worth, making them feel less of themselves and with the fear of their partner getting someone better than them, it pushes them to monitoring constantly, demanding reassurance always and clinging often.

Past trauma is another reason. People who had abandonment or betrayal experience in the past can still be living with the scar till their present and this makes them try to control their present, with the mindset that being vigilance would guarantee their lasting in the relationship.

Emotional dependency, when your happiness, or sense of purpose is fully dependent on someone, it gives room for possessiveness. They may feel empty or lost without the relationship so they hold onto it tightly as if their live depends on it.

Poor communication, when people struggles to their needs, fears or boundaries openly, it may bounce back later as controlling behaviour which brings about possessiveness.

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I believe that both protectiveness and possessiveness can exist in relationships we are close to. Normally, human emotions are complex and love often comes with the fear of loss, but the main thing is not their existence but which one is more dominant and how it could be managed.

Protectiveness creates a sense of safety and security when you've got the mindset that someone cares enough for you, this can strengthen your trust and connections. It shows loyalty, attentiveness and responsibility.

At times, possessiveness may make someone feel wanted or desired at the early stage of a relationship, but it often leads to control, jealousy, lack of trust, damage self-esteem and create resentment.

In a healthy relationship, protectiveness should outweigh possessiveness because love promotes freedom not fear. Even in the midst of protectiveness, we should be mindful of possessiveness because relationships survives when they are built on trust, respect and not ownership and control.

I invite @pandora2010 @annydee01 @karja

I hope to see you in subsequent contest, thank you for your time!