What I would have advised myself, a young single mom.

It’s Mother’s Day and I am still at a loss on how to celebrate it with my mom. We usually take a short vacation lugging our weeklong summer paraphernalia as we succumb to the allures of the sun, sand and stargazing.

But this year I want it to be different.

My daughter just turned four years old and is now like a young person with her non-stop commentaries and interrogations. Her wide-eyed enthusiasm is contagious. More and more our conversations turn into all-night marathon discussions and explanations. After hurdling the terrible-toddler period when “no” was the staple reaction to almost everything, I am so relieved.

_{My mom and daughter}
This year I am soaking up the happy and warm feelings of a mother who can now get her daughter to agree and argue without a lot of tantrums. I love our moments together, as I am less frustrated, as well as she. She has found her voice and is expanding her vocabulary day by day. She is curious and has an opinion on almost everything. One time, I asked my mom if I was as talkative as my daughter. Her eyes twinkled.

My mom and I are two-generations of single moms, I realize. My dad who died a year ago was more of a doting uncle. He had a separate life overseas as well as a family. While I love my dad and have forgiven him for his countless shortcomings, I knew even when I was young that my mother was the key to our family.

_{My daughter's 4th birthday}
She was selfless then and even now. She taught my brother, sister and I, how to live our life the way we wanted and not to lose faith in humanity. For as long as there are people out there trying to make a difference, humanity exists. She gave us lessons about how it’s like to be without, and when to and not to give, give in and give up.

I want to start a Mother’s Day tradition. This year’s Mothers Day would be the first of more to come. I want to celebrate being a mother, a solo parent, with more awareness and appreciation. Hand in hand with my mom on my left and my daughter on my right. With my daughter and mother, not only will we blow our candles on our cakes as we all wish for more meaningful events in our lives, I take a step forward to also express my appreciation of my mother’s tireless efforts more explicitly.

To you ma,

Thank you for teaching us to see the light in other people.
Thank you for all the laughter we shared and for laughing for me when I couldn’t.
Thank you for being selfless so we could have the world.

Not only do I cherish my mom for taking care of me, my brother, sister and my daughter, I want her to feel that she is our source of joy.

To honor my daughter and my mom, allow me to advise my younger self.

Here are the Top 3 Things I Would Tell The Younger @Cocoland so that she could have spared herself and others regrets, remorse, and pain:

1. Take your mom out and spend time with her.

When she asks you when are you coming home to clean your room, she is really asking you to sit down with her, tell her how is life treating you, and how are you carrying on as life throws its blows. Not only is she after your safety, she wants to know if you are happy and if not, she is there ready to help you. While she patiently respects you as an adult, she would love to be part of your adult life. Tell her stories, and ask hers. Don’t shut her out.

My knee-jerk reaction when I was still in those tumultuous years of fierce independence was to fill up my calendar with errands and distant explorations. I was quick to get out of the house and stay out. I failed to keep my promise to visit her.

2. Say “I love you” more. Say them as much as you can, even if.

No matter what age you are in, she will always cherish the times when these words are said. While your mother is certainly not the most expressive parent and certainly is not into positive reinforcement, she loves you. She says her love through service. That is her language.

She may not have said these words in the same frequency you to your daughter now, nevertheless tell your mom you love her. She will look at you still tight-lipped but with a twinkle in her eyes.

3. Know your mom other than as your mom.

Her whole being is more than being a nurturing parent. Your mother is an individual who has other roles other than being a mother. She is more than your mother. She too is unique, and has her own world. She too has an ego; she too needs nurturing.

While she embraces motherhood with years of sleep deprivation from breastfeeding you to helping you complete with your school projects, to numerous one-on-one coaching as she soothed your disappointments and romantic breakups, she has her own quirkiness, moods, rituals and preferences. She loves driving and the outdoors. When she was younger you’d see her dance the night away at the town plaza during fiestas. Plan activities that are just for her and make them special because you are there.

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It’s easy to take our mothers for granted. I think I am guilty of that when I was still without my daughter. I grew to appreciate my mother more and more when I too became a mother. I know now the steps she took, the tears she cried and the hopes in her heart.

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the supermoms! 😇