Art Is My Form of Communication with People / Introvert here.... :)
Hello, hello, hi...
I want to write down here some of my thoughts I´ve been interested in for past 3 months. Since 2020 started it is all about disasters - epidemic, wildfires, protests for different problems in our society (Hope y´all are safe and alright) and definitely is not one of that chilled years, and hope it will not get worse until the end.
I feel, for me, as individual is year 2020 on the one side full of doubt, but oposite side is about big progress, in knowing me, knowing what I want to do, and to be firm about my goals. If you read previous article I wrote, you already know I am doing fine art. Fine art and every kind of art is important in our lives, I mean also art as furniture, decorations, clothes. Is it art which brightens your day, raise mood, support you in important meetings, job applies, and so on... For example, I have two small kids, one is 5yo and younger is 1yo, and I don´t always have time to paint or draw, and if I just dress up by my aestethics, or do my makeup I feel so less frustrated to not be able creating. :) When I go out, I am trying to avoid social contact lately, and if I wear interesting clothes, I do not feel so out of society and wierd. We are getting to the first point, I want write about in this article, finally.
I now, this kind of social phobia or isolation comes to me in cycles. A year cycles, like I have three years of outgoing and then 2 years of reserved behaviour. It almost looks like depression, but it is not...I found out about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator six months ago, which helped me to understand my essence, I finally got to know myself, not judging myself to be weak, mentaly ill, wierd and stuff. But than suddenly there was some result of the looong test, that completely helped me to discover what I am. Let me just briefly write about background of all this psychologic stuff...
MBTI typology was constructed during World War I. by two americans Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers to help women find out which job are they most suitable for while men was involved in a WW fights. Typology is based on Carl Jung theory that people experience world by different principles - sensation, intuition, feeling, thinking. I do not want to pay attention to theory of MBTI typology, but ther are maaany information on internet about it, so make your research. :)
I am gonna be selfish in this article, sooo excuse me.
From times of my primary, high school I´ve had to deal with same or pretty simliar problems, I mean problems in my relationships, with other people, with comunication, setting my goals and going for them. But on the other hand I deeply understood feelings, hidden reasons of acting of others. I had a small amount of friends. Some of them was pretty good, and they liked me just I was, and another ones, was kinda toxic in nowadays terminology. :D But in my eyes they were not toxic, just had some stuff unhealed in depth. But at the end of the day, for my beeing it was toxic in a way, they attacked me as I was responsible for their problems. So it was always, I have to leave this relationship and on the other side I tried my best to help them uncover their pains and make them feel better. And I was so oriented on it I forgot about my dreams, my traumas, invested time in not constructive things which I desperately regret, but at least, I am not gonna lose any seconds of my life to others. Like yeah, it is my nature to do this so I cannot be this strict, but now I know the boundaries, like if my help (time) is applied or not.
My type is INFP. It describes me madly right. This uncovered me I am not mentally ill, but only not suitable for ordinary life, just as, go to college, get a good job, build your career, have a child, have everything made, have lot of friends, be popular and interested in things every other women are. I love my intuition and know I hate routine, that for my N and P aspects, but my F and I made me and still make me a lot of troubles and wrinkles. :D Introvert - Extrovert problem I describe later, it is something more common to people.
Letter F in my type... I would rather got T, seriously. Sometimes I feel like a slave of my feelings, like some kind of addiction, I have to get my daily portion of feelings litteraly. I have to essentialy listen to music, look at beautiful things, watch movies, only listen to a good speaker every single day... I could bath in feeling for rest of my days, and not do anything reasonable. But world is not setted this way, sadly. I highly demand emotions even in contact with others, not centered on alway be right, I prefer friendly discusion over logical. I often, like pretty often, seem dumbish to people whole my life, but on the other hand I know I am not, about myself. :D I also like to debate problems in society, economics, ecology... finding solutions and so on. But not by arguing or ridiculing. I love to have options and talking opinions door opened. So I am not able to go hard for what I want cause I constantly thinking about if it is good-bad, if not hurting anybodys emotions, not to look sniffy.
Wierd yeah? That fact, I am wierd, I kind of love it, it was never something I was ashamed of. Because I love wierd things, talks, people, places, fantasies.
INTROVERT vs. EXTROVERT
Something I suffered from childhood, even I knew about it, never looked in depth on this issue. I have just knew I am an Introvert, and associated it with- I am slow, stupid, inappropriate, quiet... I lived with it, until I found out I can be proud to be introverted person. :D Not saying extraverts are less, or something, do not get me wrong. I love extroverts, they are such an inspiration to me, even if sometimes rude. :D Not all of them of course, but majority. But still big inspiration, because where else I could study others behaviours and acting when Intraverts are reserved and so am I :D
But think about that- introverts stand by plenty of significant inventions, art, sciences knowledge, progress. And that brings me to the point I am mostly sad about, many of introverts are from young age considered to be lazy, stupid, shy, and guess what? Children are sensitive to this prejudices so much. They grow up and feel lost in their lives, like I did. Many of them go through abuse. What a potential we are killing in them. I am sad this is still a problem, because I know many intraverts and they are great people, deep and valuable. I would love if there was better support for them, only if that ,,wise,, people could hide their prejudices from children. I have father who is one of the most introverted persons I know, and also he has the problem with introverts! Why? He should understand them, he thinks and acts same as them. You know why? Because from early age he was pushed to be talkative, confident, to show people how wise he is, but he could not change his nature, and that leaded to his mental health problems. So, please, next time you meet some quiet, reserved person, just be polite, and do not make fun of them. They are reserved because they want to, not because they are insecure. Society makes them so. The fact is lots of them are shy, but still not insecure about their knowledge, priorities, feelings. I know here on read.cash are mostly adults, but maybe it gets to someone who never thought this way.
Introverts love to be alone, love to be in their heads, they are as wise and skilled as extroverts, maybe just more substantial. And THEY LOVE TO BE ALONE to charge baterries, not to be selected out of social contact. Every human beeing needs social contact, some more some less.
From my perspective, I always lived my life in my head, I could see myself as any heroe from films, or better make up one myself, I projected that to banal life, and due to this my fantasies I live pretty interesting life, not even have to went outside:D I want to know others how it feels, but imagine if I went around to you and started talking about my imagination:D You would probably recomend me to visit a psychologist. So I found a way in fine art, maybe in writing some tales. It is something people agree and are able to absorb.
Small quotation in the end: ,,Introverts do not make friend, they are literally adopted by extroverts" . I found this somewhere on internet and this makes me laugh everytime. :D
I you liked this article, would like you to write me if you knew about MBTI typology or if you are intro-extrovert. Would love to read your opinions.
Have a great day.
Zira