John Wick (2014) a review: There is a puppy, so where are all the turds?

About a year ago I watched John Wick, the 2014 action film starring Keanu Reeves. A couple of things annoyed me so much I had to write them down. I came across my scrawlings recently and thought it would make a good post.

I have watched it again this week and I don't seem as angered by it as I did first time round, but watching it now that I have a puppy did make my eyes leak. So I have adjusted my initial review slightly now I have seen it again.

I have a problem with the wives in these type of movies. So kind and feminine and constantly smiling.

I am sick of these totally unrealistic relationships.

It really didn't need to keep watching the phone video of his wife. Him receiving the puppy and the letter was plenty and set a good background. If we could dispense with the wife altogether that would be good. Just an ex assassin and his dog….that would be plausible. He didn't need to fall in love to leave the profession, he could of had enough. I would have believed that.

They did the same soppy wife shit in The Punisher Series…yuck. I know the whole premise of The Punisher was that his family was murdered, but these fucking women are so weird and adoring and sickly sweet, I don't know any women like that, why have they no character? Have the writers ever met a normal woman? I bet their wives aren't like that.

I thought John Wick was the killer of bogeymen, was this the only way to humanise him to make him a love sick sap? Surely the caring for the dog showed his compassionate caring side.

This is what I would have liked the film to have been..

The guy retired, got a dog, some prick killed his dog, that would have done, that would have been fine.

The fucking dog. The perfectly behaved puppy. The least credible thing in this highly clichéd film.
Just one shit on the carpet would have made this film real. Seeing John Wick cleaning up said turd off the carpet would have humanised him and made him relatable to anyone who has had a dog……ever.
To see a little shit on a spotless rug in his spotless, tasteful house that all these loveable film assassins seem to have would have been great. A montage of him training the pup and the daily ritual of removing the pups turd off the rug would have made the absence of the dog and more importantly the turd free rug hit home the death of the dog. If the dog could also do it when no one was looking, and although he swore he hadn't taken his eyes off the pup it would be the most relatable piece of cinema in recent years.

Miss perkins, she can just fuck off. Like the wife, completely unnecessary. She was put in to have a strong female role but she fails to kill him as she is a shit assassin and gets her ass whooped. She doesn't obey the assassins/hotels code because she is greedy/stupid moron woman and has to be killed because the silly little lady broke the rules. Why didn't she try and lure him off the premises.

Another stupid female role, can someone just give a woman a part written for a man and some baggy clothing and just have her kick some ass and be shot in the head like any other guy would have been. If only she was kick ass and clever like the character she plays in Agents of Sheild.

I just want to see some good fight scenes with Keanu and whoever, male or female.

That scene where he drives his car a bit on a runway because he is angry. Errrr...why? Looks like someone has learnt some stunt driving and must simply show the world. Well done you , thanks for sharing, you went very fast and did all the skids and spins...yawn. It seemed out of place. He does some great driving later so we do see his skills but as part of the story.

Maybe it was to show how much he loved his car. It's not the type of car you have unless you love cars though is it?

Right….if he is the killer of bogeymen why the fuck would you send your men in to kill him. You would know this was a pointless waste as you cannot kilI him. You already said it yourself in the fucking film so what are you playing at? Send your stupid prick son round to return his car, with a new puppy and be prepared for him to be killed... But maybe he would just get a bad beating. That is the only logical thing you could do when up against this so called bad ass John Wick. But I suppose that would make it far too sensible and a shit and very short film. Yes , yes I know he did try to ring him.

At the end when Viggo has killed John's friend Marcus, he rings John straight after. This gives John Wick ample time to catch up with him on the way to his helicopter. I don't think his character would be so stupid, surely you would ring when you were safe. I think this could have been written a bit better, it is sloppy.

I had no problems with the casting of John Wick apart from
Toby Leonard Moore (James Wesley in Daredevil) who is briefly dressed as teenage thug when he looks like a 40 year old accountant. I thought Alfie Allen was good, he is great at playing an annoying little shit.

I just wanted to see a guy who misses his dog and kills lots and lots of people who are frankly all assholes like he is.

I love the slickness, I just needed less fluff and more fight scenes. There was the right amount of humour in this for me e.g. Jimmy the cop.

It was never going to be a cerebral masterpiece, but it should have stuck to it's bare bones and been a cool kick ass brooding action film with a shitting dog.

I did actually enjoy it, mostly!

I must watch the next one.

Pikl :)

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