My fiance forgot our 9th anniversary! :(

in #life7 years ago

Now that I've had a day to wallow in self pity and I'm over feeling sorry for myself I'm reaching out to Steemians to help me! Yesterday was my fiancé and my 9th anniversary AND HE FORGOT!! Last year I planned an outing for us as an anniversary gift. I went out of my way to call his boss (secretly) and request for him to have a day off, bought two tickets to a minor league baseball game (We love ALL baseball, Especially little league), and surprised him with the tickets at dinner before the game. I made it really nice for him while I got NOTHING. I was HOPING that this would make it special enough for him to REMEMBER. For the last 9 years he has forgotten about our anniversary. I just wish I knew WHY? It makes me feel like I'm not important enough. For the past 3 years I have been getting hurt feelings because he forgets. Yesterday I tried really hard not to get upset and I tried to keep my composure but I just fell apart at the seams when he made some dumb ass remark. I know that working 80-100 hours a week most likely has a lot to do with it. He works in the oilfield so all he does is work work work. But at what point do I fit in there?

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Last week I reminded him that Wednesday was our anniversary. Same date EVERY year! A couple days before, I kept dropping hints. Nothing registered. I woke up yesterday morning and ALL I wanted to hear is happy anniversary or how about thank you for putting up with my shit for 9 years or how about thank you for running my household while I am gone 98% of the time but I got nothing. Nothing but snoring from the couch while I washed the dishes from the night before that wasn't done and cleaned out the microwave because he blew up a piece of meat by leaving it in there too long. When he woke up a couple hours later I was really upset, failing to hide the fact that I felt like my heart was slowing shattering, piece by piece. When he seen that I cleaned up the kitchen and was upset he said something that struck a nerve and I fell apart. He looked at me and said, "You make it so easy on me." REALLLLLYYYYY!? That's when I just let the emotions loose and asked him why ONE DAY out of the whole year he can't make it a little special for me. He still didn't realize that it was our anniversary. I had to say, "I'm not mad because I cleaned up the kitchen mess you left from yesterday, I'm mad because today is our anniversary and you FORGOT AGAIN you Donkey!"

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All day he felt terrible and sulked around like a deflated balloon. He said the same things yesterday as he has prior anniversary years. So my question is Steemians, HOW DO I GET HIM TO REMEMBER!? Next year is the BIG one! 10 years! That's a decade! I don't know how many more years we have to go through this before he just realizes that I love him and I am here for HIM and it's hurtful when he forgets about me! I already feel forgotten most of the time because the oilfield seems to be the only thing that he has space for in his brain. I just want to protect myself in the future so that I am not the one getting hurt. I need suggestions on how to help him remember!! Maybe I should just FORGET about our anniversary too? That way I can't set myself up for failure!? How about tattoo it on his forehead!? LOL Maybe he simply chooses NOT to remember.

Have a great Thursday Steemians!! <3

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All GIFs courtesy of https://www.giphy.com

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First of all.. I am trying to type an answer to your post and this last gif is giving me a major headache. I dislike gifs so much. I literally had to type a paper to my screen to cover the gif so that I can reply to your post.

Ok- I feel your pain. I have a boyfriend who doesn't really care about anniversaries and etc.
I think the "mistake" in all this anniversary is that you have an EXPECTATION. When we have expectations, we are setting ourselves for disappointment because what you expect might not be what the other person be capable of offering. Just because you are able to offer it and because you want to offer it, it doesn't mean the other person is built the same way.

My first advice is don't expect and you won't be disappointed.

Second advice is...set an alarm on his phone and put it on repeat for every year.

Thirdly, it sounds to me like your relationship is one sided. You mentioned that you "put up with his shit"- that to me means you are not completely happy and you have chores in this relationship or this relationship is a chore.
I am no expert, by any mean- I just related to your post a little bit and I wanted to put my two cents in.
Sometimes when you let go of things, they will fix themselves and it will free you.
Good luck

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