POST #2 – CANCER - MY SENTENCE TO DEATH? The next worst thing I had to face after learning I had terminal lung cancer!

How do you conquer an inner pain which is tearing your heart apart?

When I was first told I had terminal lung cancer it was explained to me the length of time I had left would be determined solely by the success of the early chemotherapy treatments. My life expectancy, as it stands, is anywhere between 3 to 15 months, and as you would appreciate, this came as devastating news to me.

Being told I had cancer, I thought, would be the worst thing I would ever have to confront and deal with. It was news which was extremely upsetting, and frightening! But if I thought this was bad, worse was still to come!

Immediately after grasping this information came the realization I would need share this awful news with my family? It was now the full weight of my emotions really hit me. I love each of my family with all my heart, and I knew this news was going to devastate them completely!

Believe it or not it was far easier for me to learn of my fate and come to terms with it, than it was to gather myself together and speak with my family. Deep inside I could sense the pain they would feel, and I didn’t want to hurt them. I just didn’t want to go there at all!

I found myself looking for every excuse to keep this news to myself. The following thoughts kept going through my mind;

If I don’t mention it to my family, I will spare them the worry.
I will wait until I display obvious health deterioration before I tell them.
Excuse after excuse after excuse in an attempt to hide from the truth.

I have a son living in California and I didn’t want to worry him. He will simply feel helpless living in the USA, so far away from home. I won’t say a thing until it’s absolutely necessary.

I have a daughter living in Melbourne, Australia. She is pregnant with her second child. I can’t tell her when she is so close to giving birth. It wouldn’t be fair on her to be concerned about me as well.

I have my wife, another daughter and son living here in Tauranga with me. They see me every day. Could hide the truth from them a little longer. I will simply wait until it’s absolutely necessary before opening up and letting them into the reality of my new world.

In all honesty, should I be downright truthful with myself, and you, all I was really doing was searching for any plausible reason which would support and justify my reasons for wanting to keep quiet, a weakness which was stopping me from being completely upfront with those I most loved.

The lights turned on as I recalled what my son-in-law Kurt had said to me when he married my daughter Rochelle “we have made a promise to one another, whatever life throws our way, whether it be bad or good, we will always be honest and open with one another. Whatever mountains we may need to climb, we will climb them together, and together we will survive and win!”

Thankfully good sense prevailed. I didn’t delay talking with my family any longer, I discussed with each one the diagnosis which had been given.

Did it hurt deep within as I spoke with each one with the news? It certainly did, and the tears flowed. Did I do the right thing by discussing the seriousness of the situation with them now, instead of sometime in the future? Yes, I certainly did!

Right from the start I knew there would be times ahead when I would have to confront emotions and pain which would challenge me to the core. I just didn’t expect them to be so soon.

Once getting over the initial shock my wife, two sons, and two daughters each made it very clear. Even though the news of my illness was hard to accept, it was extremely important they were made aware of my situation, and kept informed right from the start.

The great thing is we are all now moving forward together. We collectively decided that should anyone of us continually express sorrow and sadness was in effect an absolute waste of precious time. Negativity would only enhance, and assist the progress of the cancer. Collectively we believe that over time I WILL BEAT this cancer, and together we walk towards that conclusion! Should the worst eventuate, we will have had the opportunity to share our most precious moments together.

In the end the pain was raw and real, but it didn’t rip us all apart … it has ultimately brought us all closer together.

I guess in reality anyone facing a life threatening situation could find themselves experiencing the same inner-turmoil as me. My choice was to confide in those closest to me, my family. As hard as it was, it was the right thing to do!

CANCER - MY SENTENCE TO DEATH? is a continuing weekly post on Steemit which will follow my story. By sharing my experiences my hope is I can help and encourage other sufferers to remain positive and fight the battle, also provide important information to family members and friends who support those they love as they journey through this terrible disease.

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Thanks for taking the time to view this post, and I look forward to sharing with you again next week.