It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!
Many people try to hide their feelings and emotions, because they were taught from a young age not to show their emotions. People tend to try and be brave in certain situations, because they don't want to look pathetic.
People cry because bad things happen. People cry because they are sad, and sometimes they just cry because they want to....especially women...
I don't show my emotions easily. Except when I am angry. This is a really bad characteristic, but unfortunately I am also a somewhat selfish person. I don't like wasting time, and if things don't go my way, I get angry. This has made me quite an angry person.
Since I was a very young child, my mother got very angry if we cried, and because of my upbringing, even today, I struggle with my emotions. I don't cry easily. When I am sad about something, I keep it to myself, because I was taught to be strong...
I have lost a few family members and I worked through my emotions on my own. Maybe there is really something wrong with me? I have the ability to build walls around me. When something hurts me I build a wall and that protects me from feeling anything. I live in my own little world, where I am safe and nothing can hurt me.
Mentally I have taught myself to be strong. I had a very bad relationship when I was younger and emotionally it just broke me. Later on I went through a terrible divorce. All this is supposed to make me a stronger person, but I just think it made me a harder person. Maybe even heartless? Sad, isn't it? I know that this is wrong. I know that you need to show emotions, and not to crop up feelings....
Because I seem so strong, I have the tendency to attract the wrong type of friends. It's as if they find shelter with me, because I can help them work through things, with an open mind. If a friend breaks down then I am the one to pull them out of the gutter. This has however caused me to become an anxious person. I am scared to make friends because my emotional bucket is full. I don't have the energy to look after other people anymore. I need to start looking after myself.
Well, I have had it with being the strong one! I also want to watch a movie and cry my heart out, I want to show people when I am sad and I want people to know when I am happy...
As humans we were created to show emotions, so I am working very hard to start show more emotion. The best way for me to work through my problems is to write. So many of my posts are about things that are very close to me. When I was young, I used to write a lot, and I find that writing helps me to work through my own issues. So I have decided to write a letter to myself.
Dear me
You are just one person. You can not control everything! You have all these dreams and goals that you wanted to achieve? What happened to you? Why did you change so much...you were so happy as a child....What made you such a miserable angry adult?
Life is life! Things change all the time. You can not cling to things in the past. You need to look after yourself now. Move forward! Age doesn't wait for anyone. Go follow your dreams... Go reach your goals....
You have all these responsibilities and you always look after everyone. What about you? Don't you matter?
What will happen if you stop looking after others, and think about yourself for once? You are a selfish person because you don't look after yourself! Take a break!!! You have a great job and no financial issues. You should only be grateful for everything in your life.
Stop worrying about unnecessary things. Bad things will still happen and to worry about it, will not change that. Break down those walls and start living your life! Be happy! One day if you look back across your life, what will you have to say for yourself?
Take charge and move forward. Forget about what was, and start living in the present! Don't let temporary setbacks bring you down. Don't give up! Be strong..... and show the world what you are made of.....
No one is going to build a monument for you when you die....but let everyone remember you for what you were!
P.S. Read this again if you feel miserable....and laugh more, play more, and live more!
This hits pretty hard lovely post thanks for putting these feeling into words and pointing out theres more of us out there who feel the same, upvoted.