How to Get Out of Paying a Speeding Ticket - 101

An old past-time which took place on a long road between East London & Port Alfred in the South African landscapes known to most as pineapple country...

My brother and I were on the hot dry road for some 14 hours or so in total – sharing the driving. It was the first day of our Cape Tour, and so we planned to make put the hours in and make it to our first stop in one day. Around midday, somewhere between East London & Port Alfred in the Eastern Cape, the sun beating down upon the harsh and desert-like "pineapple country", on a long desolate road that seemed like it was taking us straight to hell on that particular day, one of those roads that remind you of the fabled 'Highway 61', we overtook a truck travelling ludicrously slowly (to us it seemed) with a sudden burst of speed. Suddenly a little blue figure ran into the road, waving us down. Was it an exotic pineapple party dancer? A hungry bum? A thirsty pilgrim? A car-jacker? No… the little figure was that most dreaded sight for any modern day journeyman - a traffic cop...

What to do, in these situations we had heard that the best thing to do is comply, pull over, try to make a deal... We pulled over to the side of the road and got out the car. The officer of the law broke out with a thick kaap accent (the distinctive accent of the South African Cape Coloured), “Do you always speed around like this?” He was an animated character to be sure, and he told us that we had been driving 120kph in an 80kph zone... He sent us to his accomplice, his partner in crime (or law enforcement rather), who was very casually half-sitting half-lying down in the backseat of their police car. He pointed to his clipboard with a rusty knife and informed us the fine was R3000! No we're humble musicians trying to scrape together a living, we only were going to make R1500 for that nights show...

We humbly explained that we are just traveling singers and musicians on tour. He snapped back: "The singers must pay their fine then”. We told him that would be difficult, as we were not singers of the affluent sort. He then asked what music we make. “Guitar music”, we says, and told him we have the guitars in the car. He said we should bring one. Eyeing a golden opportunity we quickly did, and proceeded to sing the old Negroe folk tune, "Jesus, won't you come by here/now is such a needy time", in perfect harmony...

The cop looked a little perplexed, and then he suddenly cheered right up! He asked us a few more questions, and then told us that he was not going to fine us! We thanked him most sincerely, he flashed a toothless grin, and we proceeded right along on our journey.

And that is how you get out of paying a speeding fine...