The pursuit of pleasure; my experience

“don’t worry, about a thing… coz every little thing is gonna be alright…”

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The sounds of Bob Marley, considered a legend, even a prophet by some in those circles, was rocking in the background of the smoke filled room. There was a feeling of ease, of peace, of relaxation. At that time, nothing else mattered, but that time and that moment.

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Many years earlier, I had always wondered how it felt to inhale that herb.

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Being very curious by nature, I had frequently meditated on how it felt like to be high, though had never experienced it then. By the time I arrived into A-Level (I was from a single sex school in the O-level), I was dazzled by how smart students could be. Seeing girls around also became sort of a new experience, one that was not so pleasant for me. I had no confidence whatsoever. I was so self-conscious about how I looked, how I spoke. This kind of made me get so low on the social ladder and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

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The desire to be important can be a very pressing one. It’s amazing what people can do to achieve it. I once read a book by Dale Carnegie where he described a similar scenario. He said that some prison inmates committed crimes outright because they wanted their images to share some T.V space on the air, being publicized for the wrong they had done. He said that this brought a feeling of importance to the criminal because he had been viewed many times over. Strange right? Maybe not.
Well, in order to achieve this feeling, I decided to join a clique of guys I thought were “cool.”

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We started sneaking out of school and getting in forbidden stuff into school. On this fateful night, we had gone to Garden City rooftop, kampala. We had sneaked out of course and had to be back just before sunrise. I had found an opening in the bathroom window and had cleverly concealed it. Just before we sneaked, I overheard some guys wishing they could get out of the dormitory but they did not know how. So in exchange for giving them my passage, we had to move together and they had to take care of all my needs. They quickly obliged. This night must have been important to them. As they jumped out of the window, they were bewildered. They wondered why they hadn’t seen this before. Anyway, we went and had fun.

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I saw young people kissing, dancing,( this kind of dancing was graphic, 3D). Being my first night out in such a setting, I just took the liberty to stroll around, get acquainted with some new sights here and there. I remember seeing a gal barely dressed give a nasty lap dance to a guy. I just sat there, watched and thought “wow, how must it feel to have that being rubbed on you”.

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I Hadn’t noticed that something was happening to my trouser as I was lost in thought. The night quickly faded away after a couple of drinks and we had to return.

When we arrived, we saw the guard stroll around the bathroom from the outside. We had to jump into the bathroom, then go through the corridor and finally into our respective rooms. He just was not going away. Finally, the moment came. We had no time to lose. One by one, we went in. As I moved to climb and jump into the bathroom, from the corner of my eye I saw the guard heading towards my direction. I felt a rush of blood flow through my being. I had to get in quick. I managed to get in just before he could reach the spot. Phew!!.

I slowly strolled across the corridor, making sure not to make noise to awaken anyone, most of all, the prefects. After what seemed like miles, I got into bed, tucked myself in and had a recap of the events. As I thought about everything, the alcohol, the girls, those graphic dances, I felt like I badly wanted more of it. A sudden desire for girls was born that early morning. But I was shy. What was I gonna do??
To be continued….

Today the life I live is much different. Am just reflecting and sharing with you the path that almost led me to total destruction, to early death. It was both an inner struggle to jump out of this self-consciousness and a desire to live how I wanted.

Check out for my next post.