will you tell me where is that place, HAPPINESS?

I'm in home for almost 4 month's already. I was thinking to find a job but I can't because mother's getting sick. There were night's that she couldn't sleep. Then I have to talk to her before I went to sleep. I thought she'll be fine after going on a doctor. But it seems than she's returning again for being sick.

Every morning I asked her if she went asleep last night. Then she said a little, I told her that's fine because you're already old. You're 73 and most of the people has that age doesn't sleep well. I felt like I'm tired now and not happy of my life. I have nothing to use because yeah I have nothing.

What about my personal hygene and personal need's. I look like an old dude right now. No haircut, no shampoo to use for my long hair. Old slippers that has a hole into it. Sometimes I want to eat something I couldn't because I have nothing in here. Even detergent to wash clothes, it's hard for me to find. My brother's and sister's has money but they don't give to mom extra. Mother is sick but they'll just ignoring her. Do I need to ask them to give some if they already knew.

I want to go where I can find work. I completed a program course and I'm not dull. I want to have a better life rather than this. Even I don't know amymore about applying job in the future I just can't. Mother must be prioritize and she keep's on telling me. "What will happen to me son if you'll go." I hate that words came from her. How can I leave her peacefully if she think's that way.

My beard and hair started to grow. I look like a true fisherman and farmer now. When mother wants fresh fish I went to the sea to find one. When mother wants vegetables I went to the mountain if I can't buy vegetables in town. Even just a little vegetables that will be serve to mom is fine. One time when I bought mom her medicine in the City. I was shy to go there because my appearance is sucks right now.

It's not that I'm blaming my mom. I just want to blame my brother's and sister's who live in our home nearby. They don't have a family yet, but why they don't take care for mother first. I'm still young and I'm still dreaming to achieve my dreams. I asked God to make my mother gets better so I can go looking for a job. I hope she will be..

By the way, if I'm hosting a game and you will pitty on me. Please don't, the prizes were being sponsored.

Will you tell me?

thank you for reading...