It's great you look at it as a gift. I think we can look at all of our struggles this way. My personal struggles with my mental illnesses have driven me to gain a greater understanding of myself and others, to always improve. So in that way, the pain has been a gift. I appreciate times in life, like the ones I'm currently experiencing, because I know what it is to feel completely awful about everything, to hate everything including (and most of all) myself, and to feel like I'll never feel any better no matter what.... Times like these remind me that I do feel better, so my bouts of depression and anxiety have become shorter and more manageable. Thanks for sharing, it's given me a better understanding of BPD.