Wow, Bella.
That was thought-provoking and candid. What can I say about depression? Hmmm. I've suffered it for quite a while but at the same time, I was cocky little shit of a kid (being football-mad in the uk, I never had a dull moment, growing up).
Since, I've had triumphs, I've had failures. I even had a job working in a prison on suicide prevention. Then, a few years back I remembered being involved in a child's accidental death (as a child, a year younger, myself). It really knocked me for six.
You've got to find a place to put these things - because as you say, they'll never go away. But there's so much good about life, you mustn't let things beat you. It's good to see you looking healthy and to hear that you're well on the mend and apparently dealing with things better now.
Good luck and stay healthy. I listened earlier to your 'Rock with me' and loved it. Do things that you find fun, with people you care about or at least could some day care about. Avoid negative people / thoughts. Get active?
All the best, yeah? :)