You are embarrassed and depressed. You do not know what to do. Your boyfriend seemed to be the perfect man. But of late he has changed. You can no longer stand his rage, hurtful speech, and the barrage of verbal criticism. It all started in low gear. He started belittling you and using biting sarcasm. You thought he was teasing you, but you were wrong. A few days ago he shoved you into the pool.

It is not only men who abuse their partners; men are also victims. I know men and women who are in an abusive relationship. Dating people disagree with each other once in a while. The reality is that a perfect partner is nonexistent. You should, therefore, expect that a partner may criticize some lousy trait in you that irritates him. But I am not talking about such occurrences. I am talking about reviling, yelling and sometimes punching. Such behavior is not acceptable when it comes from a prospective marriage mate.

You may fill that you are the one to blame because you don't measure up to his expectations. But nine times out ten his behavior has nothing to do with you. It may be that he comes from a culture where men dominate women or where violence and abusive speech was the norm. Also, he may behave the way he does because low self-esteem forces him to be assertive. Whatever the reason you are responsible for someone’s bad behavior. Real men and women respect others.

But there is something else to consider. Some women who grew up in a violent atmosphere can be unconcerned about aggressive behavior and may even love men who are rough with them. They tolerate an abusive partner because that is what they have grown up seeing—it is reasonable to them. Such women may hate men who are gentle. Others stay in an abusive relationship hoping that their partner would abandon their behavior in the future. Thirdly, some women feel so low that they cannot imagine getting someone better after they quit the current relationship.

Sometimes romantic feelings become so intense that they overshadow reason. One day an acquaintance intimated: “He yells at me, but I still love him.” What happens in a relationship is a foretaste of what life will be if you commit yourself to stay in a tie for the long haul. If you currently feel abused or demeaned, know that something is not right. Do not let your feelings overshadow good judgment. The best thing you can do for yourself is to dump your boyfriend and look for one who is deserving of your love.

You can avoid much heartache and disappointment by refusing to get romantically involved with a complete stranger. Keep your feelings at bay until you know him better.