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Let's get down to what's really going on in your heart when it comes to men and relationships.

Here's what I want to know first...

Why is it so easy for other women to fall in love with a man, and for their relationships to effortlessly come together and grow...

While YOU keep attracting all the men out there who are "unavailable" or who SEEM great at first, but eventually get scared and just can't go "deeper" with you?

Is this "unavailable" thing really a problem so many men are carrying around that gets in the way of love?

Or...

Could it also be that YOU play a part in finding men who are "unavailable"? Or that you bring about that unavailable RESPONSE in a man, a response that even the most "evolved" men have lying dormant inside them?

I want to share with you what could be a new and enlightening perspective on all this...

The Weakest Position To Be In

There's an important realization all SMART and LOVING women come to at some point in their love lives.

It's a "light bulb" that suddenly just turns on... and when it does, you instantly grow and see things with a new sense of CLARITY.

Unfortunately, most women only come to this important realization AFTER they've been through the pain and frustration of doing everything they can think of to "revive" their relationship and failing. I'll tell you what this REALIZATION is:

It's that when you're with a man who is feeling or acting UNCERTAIN with you - even if you could give him an "ultimatum" that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that YOU WANT - you're in a very dangerous and "weak" position for your relationship. He's not really making that decision based on what HE wants or feels.

It's a weak position because you really want and need a man who is truly COMMITTED to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. Not coerced, not forced, not convinced. COMMITTED. Totally and with all his being.

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Building Attraction Through Communication

When a man is uncertain, you feel insecure. And one of the best ways to get a relationship to a more certain, secure place is to improve COMMUNICATION.

Lots of women think they get how communication works because they talk a lot about what's on THEIR MIND. Yet this is common Communication Mistake #1: sharing YOUR FEELINGS first - and often - because you believe this will somehow get him to share his feelings in return.

This is not a great way to get a man to "open up" to you and get in touch with his feelings. This is not his "emotional process." Especially with a man you're in a relationship with who is already acting "withdrawn" and has shut off his feelings from you.

This kind of MORE IS BETTER approach about talking and sharing YOUR FEELINGS actually WORKS AGAINST YOU more than it helps you with men who are acting uncertain and withdrawn.

Here's the deal:

If you know anything about a man, then you should know that to get to know HIS FEELINGS, more talk about YOUR FEELINGS is NOT the answer.

Which leads me to common Communication Mistake

Out of all the things that can go wrong in a relationship, I've found one that causes women more pain, frustration, and leads to bad outcomes with the man in their life than anything else...

It's the SAME ISSUE that keeps popping up at the beginning of their romantic relationships:

It's when a woman expects that the relationship will progress to something more committed, but ends up feeling disappointed when she finds out the man doesn't want the same thing.

This problem usually plays itself out in one of two ways. I'm sure you'll identify with one (if not both) of these:

• 1: You know exactly what you want out of the relationship, but rather than "rock the boat" by having a conversation in which you make your expectations clear, you decide to WAIT IT OUT in hopes that the man will soon feel the same way and that everything will just "work itself out."

• 2: You know exactly what you want out of the relationship, but as soon as you get the sense that the guy doesn't share your desires or isn't "on the same page" emotionally, you subtly and unconsciously decide to PRETEND that you're cool with things just being casual, even though you know you need a lot MORE to be happy and content.

Predictably, when you find yourself in either of these two scenarios, it becomes a slippery slope toward ultimate relationship disaster.

Here's how this plays out

You start feeling unfulfilled, anxious or worried that you're not getting what you want and need from the relationship.

You don't know how to say what you're feeling and what you want in a mature, honest way, so you say nothing at all, or you drop "hints" that are misunderstood or ignored.

He doesn't change anything about the way he's treating you or the relationship, and you become frustrated or disappointed because he doesn't really "get" what's missing and what you want from him.

Your frustration builds up even more and either brings you to an emotionally destructive CONFRONTATION with him that FREAKS him out (like an ultimatum)... or all the silent tension and negative feelings between you make him act distant, disconnected and maybe he even starts losing interest in you.

Remember going down this road? Not fun, huh?

So what's going on here? And what can you do about it?

Stick with me here, and I'll reveal some basic insights about how to get a man on the "same page" about where your relationship is headed without all the drama, tears and frustration.

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Center Yourself First - And Get Clear About What You Want**

You need to be honest with YOURSELF first, before you can be honest with anyone else in your life. Stop PRETENDING you only want a "casual" fun fling when what you REALLY want is to have a committed, serious relationship that's "going somewhere."

Here's the thing:

Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of POSITIVE DIRECTIONS to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life.

But, unfortunately, being clear and honest is not that simple for most women when "the rubber meets the road" in dating and relationships.

The reality is, knowing what they want and expect can turn into a source of EXTREME frustration and anxiety for a lot of women.

Why is that? I'll explain.

Expectations And Disappointment

Expectations can definitely set us off in good directions in our lives... But when we don't feel like we have the CONTROL over how to get those expectations met, the "wheels really start to come off the car", so to speak.

A woman may "feel" like the man she's been dating is "The One" and she can see things getting much more committed and serious, but she also senses she doesn't have the right tools or skills to know how to COMMUNICATE those desires to the man in a positive way.

Simply put, the woman is AFRAID that approaching the guy with a heavy "talk" will either scare him away.

Or...

She herself doesn't know what "taking it to the next level" really means to HIM, why he would want this, and how to go about talking about it in a way that builds trust and makes him want to open up and share. So she avoids telling him what she's really thinking and feeling about their relationship.

Instead, she starts to accept or downplay the little disappointments she feels. Until one day she finally wakes up and realizes that she doesn't have the kind of relationship she THOUGHT she would have with this man, and she's just not happy with herself or the situation.

And sometimes this "awakening" doesn't even happen until after the man cheats or leaves.

Ouch.

Hey, I get it. Men can act more than a little insensitive to all of this when it comes to appreciating and respecting the great relationship you already have together.

But hang on for a sec...

Let's just simplify things and boil it down to that one thing that is the cause of all the trouble and confusion:

FEAR.

Does This Sound Familiar?

The unfortunate truth is that some women don't want to dig deeper into what a man truly wants because of their own fears. They're AFRAID of finding out the truth about what a man truly feels about them, and their future together.

And the most dreaded fear of all...

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REJECTION and ABANDONMENT.

These two things are so strong and powerful, that something fascinating happens in the woman's mind when there's even a small potential for either of these....

Their mind starts a cycle of SELF-DECEPTION.

Here's how it works...

The fear of pain and loss often leads us to ignore our thoughts and intuition and replace our fearful thoughts with happier thoughts that make us feel comfortable. It's the mind's "emotional defense mechanism."

I Know You've Felt This Before...

How many times have you been unsure - deep down - about the man you're seeing, but instead of examining those doubts and finding a way for you to deal with your own feelings, you decided to actually BUILD HIM UP to your friends and family as being a wonderful catch because you didn't want to face some of the problems lurking deep in the back of your mind?

You thought that you'd help things out by telling yourself and having faith in what you wanted to be true.

...And sometimes, in the process of making up these "new truths," you even start to convince YOURSELF that he's a better guy than he actually is?

Or maybe you've been in a situation where you've gotten no indication that the man you're seeing wants any kind of serious relationship, but you choose to believe that you're building a committed relationship as things slowly and naturally escalate.

Making those assumptions without the basis of direct communication can lead to big trouble down the road.

Save yourself the wasted energy and the broken heart.

Break Free From The Fear Keeping You From Love

If you're looking to move past the fear and insecurity you feel but don't want to get in touch with or let anyone know about, then I'd like to help you get in touch and start the "healing" and growth process.

And I'd like to help you quickly get to that great place you know is inside you where LOVE and amazing experiences and emotions simply FLOW in your life... and draw the right man and the right relationship to you all on their own.

Remember, a man can't read your mind, or know all that's in your heart.

And if you're carrying around pain or fear, it's surely getting in the way of him seeing that beautiful and real you underneath that he would want to know and love.

Don't keep a man from seeing the best of the real you that's inside. Make it easy for him - and for you.

How can you be sure you're involved with the RIGHT guy, and know how he's feeling, and if he shares your expectations and desires?

The Answer Is HONESTY

HONESTY is one of the most liberating and valuable traits to develop - and it's even more valuable when you're dating.

And guess what else? It feels really good to be completely open and honest.

Plus, even when it seems like it would push you and a man apart, it has an amazing way of bringing you closer together and building more love and admiration.

But only if you know how to share your thoughts and honest feelings in a way that SERVES YOU and your relationship.

Not all communication is equal. You can mean something, but depending on how you share it with someone... it can either be received as loving and "good"... or as NEGATIVE and CRITICAL.

How is what you are feeling being RECEIVED? And how does this relate to the way you choose to COMMUNICATE what you are feeling?

How To Communicate Your Needs In A Way He'll Love

Let me tell you something important that you might have gotten mixed up if you've been involved with men who wouldn't listen...

It's OK to want what you want and to let a man know it. In fact, it's a MUST.

And it's OK to tell a man that his behavior doesn't match with what you want. It can turn the usual "teeth pulling" talk into an opportunity for building attraction and a deep source of commitment with a man - IF a woman is honest and upfront about what she wants and expects from a man, in a way that says that she's not too attached to the immediate outcome, and she subtly lets him know that he better have his act together or else.

But remember...YOU CAN'T FAKE IT.

You have to be in a place where you truly believe that you'll find and meet your expectations for love and relationships, with or without the man who's there in front of you right then. No matter how much you love him.

That means you have to be in the right frame of mind, and state in your heart, BEFORE you start the conversation with him...

But most women aren't in the right frame of mind because they're afraid, and they've "tricked" themselves into thinking that their intimate feelings for a man will scare him off.

WRONG.

It's not honesty that will scare him off, it's the negative, fearful, and anxious "vibe" that you unknowingly give off before you finally EXPLODE because you can no longer hide how you feel from the man you're with.

That's what scares some men off or makes them clam up.

Be The Woman He WANTS To Share Everything With

The amazing thing is that men crave HONEST women who are upfront about who they are and what they want in relationships.

The key is to know the RIGHT WAY to communicate these things without going over the top.

Remember, if you communicate with a man in a way that assumes, begs, convinces, or makes him think that you're "entitled" to a relationship and a commitment with him, he will NEVER, EVER respect you and want to stay for the long-term.

You might get what you want in the short-term if he gives in to your wishes just to avoid a conflict, but trust me, you are headed for MUCH bigger problems in the future. Unresolved communication issues create resentment that creates distance and dissatisfaction.

Let me drop my pen for now until I come your way again. Thanks for reading through.

I remain @gwenflorida, your favourite love clinic doctor. I talk for a living.