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RE: Fresh starts. Giving 10 steem away!
I take every day as a fresh start in my marriage, and ideally all of my relationships. There is no past or future - only the present. Obviously the people in my life enrich it or I would not spend time with them - but they also make mistakes and hurt me. That's what I let go, because it serves no purpose. I take people as a sum of all that they are rather than focusing on their lesser qualities or failures. I hope they'll do the same for me.
i like this. i maybe take people at a future value. like see people as an investment of sorts; time, resources, and energy. i feel as though i basr the amount of time and energy i have towards the person based on potential. the flaw in this method is when one mistake happens, as they will always do because we are human, its difficult to assess what the next future mistake will be. is it a slippery slope, the beginning of the end, is the future iver before it could begin? i think very five years ahead in terms of what i am doing today will be worth it five years from now. it seems lately i am seeing a side of momenterily living that seems idealistic, more so than my theory. The idealism of yesterday was who i used to be, today is me, and tomorrow is someone new. I feel i have reached the point to where everything is coming to a halt, i no longer am looking five years out. we have the kids, the house, the cars, the life that was the goal. now what to do with my ingrained mentality of working towards something better?
Many years ago a wise man told me not to have expectations of other people. It was a hard concept for me to grasp. His point was that I can't expect a person to behave a certain way because of what I put into the relationship. I can choose whether or not I want to spend time with them based on their behavior, but I can't expect them to act the way I want. I try to focus on my part and what I put into a relationship as that's what I can control.
Isn't the basis of most interaction and communication based on this simple concept: message, receiver, feedback, action? Something like that. As in most of our interactions are based on a message we send, the message they receive, the feedback we gain, then the actions we take. So maybe I do have expectations based on the feedback I receive. At a certain point though it because more of habit and less and less of an artistic delicate process. Communication is suppose to be beautiful, seperating us from other species, from those before us. It sadly, has become the weapon we use against one another.
Thank you for the steem, that was very kind and not necessary. I appreciated you provoking the thought.
It's somewhat of a sematic argument - but I think and important one. You can have STANDARDS for what feedback you will ACCEPT for yourself. You have all the control about what you will allow yourself to be around, toxicity or healthy positive feedback. That is different than giving something and EXPECTING a result from someone else because of your actions - that leads to disappoint as people will often not behave how we expect. If we don't expect a particular response, we can then be more open to questioning and trying to understand the response we do get - of course that's in a healthy situation. If it's unhealthy and your partner is not willing to work for change (or you aren't) one party cannot mend a relationship.
i dont invest in steem, not allowed to invest in cryptocurrency so i am more here for the community amd enjoy giving away the steem. i see its value and i like the platform so i kinda earn enough to get by so to speak. is there a way to turn unhealthy into healthy? or is that just doomed. maybe that is what i need to take a look at, is this healthy?
I always simplify to 'what can I control?' For example, if you're saying that you're constantly speaking to each other in a nasty way, just pick a day and stop. There is no excuse to behave poorly, even if the other person does - and you are in charge of your own behavior. Be the good, kind, person you want to be and then over time you'll see if your partner wants to come along, if the relationship enriches your life.
Key is focus on your part, what you can control - and be the person you were born to be.
womderful. i am going to give this a go. yay!
Best wishes