COLONIZED BY ELON: A TIM OSMAN ROMANCE part 5 of 9 (by Derp)

Space crank was like a horse grade anesthetic mixed with the hallucinogenic qualities of a DMT trip, giving one the power to auto-believe with such hyper realism it could make you think anything was happening. The initial hit was like a fucking holographic orgasm of exploding geodesic rainbows, made from fiery psychic Mayan dinosaur ghostbood. From there on, it was all an illusion, so fake you knew it was real, like wavy oceans of watermelon jolly ranchers, glistening under a pink cotton candy sunset while Lovely Rita meter maid played on 33rpm's in the background.

Timmeh was deep in a drunken space-cranked place of delirium, "I feel like i did a line of bursting supernova cherries" he had said, just said hours earlier in the club bathroom, on his sexiest kneepads, huddled around by some grease monkeys cranking lines off a filthy toilet seat for tricks, his pert functioning mantits hanging out of his thoughtlessly torn
open blouse.

"Boygirl, you got more tricks than the cereal box" jeered an overall wearing, inbred crank monkey with a BudLite Origins tallboy in his motor coom covered hands... Before blacking out, and auto-believing down a neon pinecone tunnel, he thought of his boyfriend on Earth, Patrick. Timmeh took all comers, biker sexbots, triplet hermaphrodite
Quattos, Shills, everything was on the table tonight.

Inside that Flashback, Timmeh had another flashback:

Back to when he was stranded in the Martian wild, taking cover during a sandstorm. Howling winds of tornadic intensity stiffed his every step. A percussive blast that made him feel as though his head may explode, like his brain being sucked out of his ears, like a thousand electric saxophone headed unicorns playing an epic Rassan Rolandkirk solo .

He spotted an opening crack in the muscularly weathered sandstone rockwall in the hazy light, and felt his way to the opening.

Martian biologists had theorized that large crablike creatures used to dwell here, no matter, it was the only safe place in the sandstorm. Down he spelunked into the cave, flicking on his headlamp with a snap. He went down the narrow shaft hurriedly and into the labyrinth.

(TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 6)