Why Does a 45 year Old White Guy Love Deceased Rapper Young Pappy?

There’s a lot of killing in Chicago recently.
The city is at a 20 year high with over 1,000 murders.
I’m a normal white guy who grew up with hair metal bands like Ratt and Poison.
When I was really rebellious, I listened to NWA and Ice T, probably just like any other middle-class white kid thinking they were tough in the 80’s.
There was a certain attitude with rap that you couldn’t get with hard rock or metal.
Ice T and Ice Cube spoke about the hardships on the street, the opposition, the drugs, the sex. . .
It seemed more real than buttrockers singing about groupies. . .
I’m now turning 45 next month.
Although, this isn’t a period of midlife crisis for me, or more of a deep, ageless introspection and questioning the light and darkness of humanity.
There is a youthful defiance, almost evil quality to gangsta “drill” rap coming out of Chicago.
Last month, I came across a rapper named Young Pappy.
I watched all his rap or songs mesmerized.
They were fierce, powerful, almost evil.
There was something in him that burned very bright, brighter than Eminem in his day I think. . .
I was sucked into the money and power.
There was no girls in rap songs anymore.
It was purely money or death.
Why in the hell would I be drawn to this?
Did it give me back a little vicarious power that I thought I had in my youth?

This first song was insane, never heard anything like it:

There seems to be more intensity between the light and dark forces on this planet.
It doesn’t help that I watch the best UFO channel on YouTube, SecureTeam10.

Here’s Illuminati’s Men in Black:

Is this world getting crazier?
Or am I just evolving to where my eyes are opening to the energies that be?
Anyways, I love music and apparently there is still something inside of me that craves power, even if it is in the bass of the rap song, or Young Pappy and his crew flashing their guns.
I guess there’s a part of me that wanted to go out fast and hard, like Sid Vicious:

I walked through the Chelsea hotel one time in NYC, where Sid burnt the room in front of Nancy.
I think he wanted to kill them both, or he was just high and felt immortal, like Jim Morrison:

Anyways, after a month of having the images of Young Pappy flashing through my mind with this new rap intensity I never heard before, I finally wanted to learn more about him.
I thought it was odd that all his music was from 2015.
I finally Googled “What happened to Young Pappy?”
I felt pretty sad when I realized he was shot down in 2015.
Well, it makes sense.
Their motto was all about killing before getting killed.
His intensity allowed him to die fast and hard.
I miss him, even though we are totally different. . .
Now, I go back to a regular job and await the next fast flame I can ride on.

What has music done for you?