NBC is Quite Possibly the Most Retarded News Agency in the History of "News" Agencies

WARNING THIS CONTENT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR SENSITIVE LITTLE BITCHES WHO DO NOT LIKE THE WORD "FUCK" USED IN ANY CONTEXT

WHAT. THE. FUCK??!!

Are you fucking kidding me? You have to be kidding me, right? How do they come up with this fucking garbage? Seriously, if you haven't read the article it will make you pray for a god damn nuclear war... you know, the garden variety where only cockroaches and those weird little mole looking bugs that can survive the depths of space are the only living things inhabiting the Earth. Fuck, I want to kill myself just reading this. I'm doing you all a favor here, I put my sanity on the line for YOU.

I'm so angry at stupid people I'm fucking shaking. I want to... quote Fight Club

“I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.”

Breathe...

Okay. I'm going to do the best I can with this. These are direct quotes from NBC:

"Those brightly colored laundry detergent pods actually pose more of a danger to adults with dementia than they do to kids, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission."

Oh, really... please, go on.

"A total of two children and six adults with cognitive impairment died over the past five years as a result of ingesting the pods, the CPSC reported. The deaths were first revealed by independent non-profit consumer advocacy group Consumer Reports after it filed a Freedom of Information Act Request with the CPSC."

That must have been a typo. You couldn't possibly be saying that a total of eight deaths can be attributed to laundry detergent pods in the US and Canada over the course of FIVE FUCKING YEARS! Holy shit! You are not joking. This is for real. Seriously! That's 1.6 deaths annually among all age groups per year. Dude... we can right this shit off as an anomaly. In the world of statistics, this is ZERO.

"Of the six, the CPSC told NBC News it was aware of five such deaths in the U.S. and one in Canada."

Great. This is just great. Thanks a lot fucking detergent pod eating retards, now the Canada is officially smarter than US. FUCK.

"Since the products' launch, Consumer Reports and other safety advocates have argued that the colorful, squishy packets too closely resemble sweet confections — and should be redesigned."

For real? Like, we need some stupid mandatory law to force companies to accommodate the cumulative total of eight people who were affected by the packaging? So, of the roughly 400,000,000 people that live in the US and Canada... everyone has to... fucking nevermind. Let's just go on and get this over with.

*" "Family members caring for anyone who is cognitively impaired [should] not keep pods in the home,” said James Dickerson, Ph.D, chief scientific officer at Consumer Reports, in their article.

"We also continue to believe that manufacturers should modify the appearance of laundry packets, so they do not look like candy," Dickerson said."*

Someone, anyone... please take this man's medical license. Please Dr. Dipshit, tell us where to store these? If we don't store them in our home, then where in the worldly fuck do we store them?

Alright, hope you enjoyed this. It made me miserable. I now hate humanity.
Upvote
Resteem
Follow

... Thank