I’ve Been Scammed by a Best-selling Author!
I've never been angry at a book in my entire life until Lang Leav's Anthology Of Love came.
Can I explain myself? Because apparently, the author is a bestseller and I couldn't argue with that. No one can. Apparently, a lot of people actually like her work. Take it to this extent—some readers actually anticipate for her future books and save up for it.
Anyways, I’m not just angry with the books. I’m angry that I spent Php 1,400.00 for it, expecting four books within the box set, only to find out that one of them isn’t even a book. It’s a journal. A friggin’ journal. A blank hundred-page notebook in disguise of a poetry book with the author’s message in the front page. Trust me, I ish you not.
So, why do I feel like I’ve been scammed by a best-selling author? I don’t know. You tell me, Lang Leav.
I’ve got all these feelings fueled up but I want to stay on the clear and tell you exactly the things that I found off in this anthology.
For starters, the boxed set that I purchased is the kind of boxed set that is available in National Bookstore. It is especially made for Filipino readers (that’s what Lang Leav said in the beginning page of the journal, Your Words Are Your Power). It was sold for Php 1700 (estimated) but around the time of my purchase, there was a small amount of discount (I bought it for Php 1400).
Since I’ve heard good things about this author, I decided to finally purchase her set. The money I’ve been saving up (Php 2000) for four months is really dedicated to the books I want to purchase. The collection I have in mind is George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire (His boxed set is only sold for Php 1400. There are five books in the collection, by the way). But when I saw a stack of Lang Leav’s boxed sets, I decided I’d go with this one. It’s about time to finally have a collection of poetry book. So, I did. And boy, what a mistake!
Now, without any further adieu, let's head over to the reasons:
1. Her rhyme poems are a lot worse than my first grade poems.
That must have sounded a little extreme. I’d like to say it subjectively, because if I did, this point is a hundred-percent accurate.
If you don’t believe me, let me share you one poem she wrote in Love and Misadventure:
His Causes and Effect
He makes me turn,
He makes me toss;
His words mean mine
Are at a loss
He makes me blush!
He makes me want
To brush and floss.
Not only her choice of words makes me want to run into a pole, but she made it so obvious that she’s just doing it for the rhyme game. No one beats her in this game, trust me—because no words are more poetic than brushing and flossing. She’s a rhyme game master.
Not convinced? Try this one:
Xs and Os
Love is a game
Of tic tac toe,
Constantly waiting,
for the next x or o.
And I hate to break it to you but this was the exact same poem she chose to place in the back cover.
2. Her line structure is a dumpster fire.
No one does better at sloppy line structure than Ms. Leav. She applies it on every single poem she writes (except for the prose poems, which are a bunch of emotive tumblr-ish nonsense).
I’m pretty sure you don’t need an evidence here because those two examples above are already soooo on point.
3. There no metaphors or symbols in her poems.
Should I still call it a poem though? There’s absolutely no metaphor or symbol found in her poems. They’re just plain simple and literal. There’s no point in claiming her title as “complex beneath the childlike façade.”
What the heck is complex in brushing and flossing? Her illustrations are already too much to handle, don’t let me get started on her “complexities of love.”
I feel like I needed to limit it to my endless anger to three points this time. But I’m going to be honest with you, her poems do get better and better as you move from Love and Misadventure to Lullabies to The Universe of Us. And the journal? You can sell it or toss it away. Doesn't really matter.
Actually, don’t take my word for it, everything I’ve said are just subjective. What I suggest that you do is get your own copy of her books and you be the judge.
Shameless self-promotion here: My poetry book, Subway Teeth, is out now on Amazon and other retail stores. Make sure to grab your own copy! Till next time, see ya!
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