Too much New in New Year? How to deal with life’s transitions

If a lot has changed in your life since welcoming in the new year, I get it! Me too. And whether this means taking full advantage of the champagne sales, or the total opposite - you’re preparing yourself for some struggle, these moments of transition need to be handled a little differently to ordinary life. And here’s how I do it:

1. Check in with yourself

In this time of change, know that you are in one place and are moving (or being shoved) towards a different space or place. You want to actually arrive at your place of destination. And not only arrive, but hopefully arrive intact. This, I have come to realise (the hard way), takes some work.

Check in with yourself regularly. For me, this sometimes means meditating. Other times it happens through writing, yoga or just relaxing. But make a conscious effort to pause and observe how your body and mind are coping in this time of flux. If it's a time of difficulty, yes, being in your head can be scary, but it’s vital to know where you are in order to guide yourself to where you want to be. The aim of these moments of quiet is to avoid going off on a tangent or even worse, down a little bit of a spiral. Stay with yourself as your life changes and guide your steps a long the way. This will ensure that your destination is a choice, and not a haphazard outcome.

2. Get out

I think that this applies to many kinds of curveballs which life throws at us. Don’t live in your head! This point may seem to be contradicting the previous one, but what I am implying is balance. Get out, soak up a little sunshine and be around kind people. Not getting out has probably been the biggest mistake I’ve made (and maybe continue to make) through times of struggle. I have successfully driven myself to a point not too far off from madness, purely because I thought I was needing to ‘confront’ an issue and think it through. Sometimes you need to take a break from yourself too. Believe me, for the sake of your sanity.

3. Nature

And this is my favourite point which I want to emphasise. Don’t underestimate the influence which a little greenery can have in your life. If you want to incorporate it into your ‘check in’ time or your ‘get out’ time, I can guarantee you that it will help.

Since I live in Cape Town, I am so grateful to be able to live out my earth-child dreams! During times when I need to check in with myself, I’ll go to my favourite outdoor coffee shop and journal, or go for an early-morning bob in the tidal pool, blending in with the elderly residence of Kalk Bay a little too well. But if it’s a day when I know I need to get out of my head, I’ll get a crowd together for a hike on Table Mountain or meet friends for sundowners.

I’m hoping that you also live alongside the sea or in the shade of trees. But if not, investing in a fern (and naming him Ficus) can do you no harm. In fact, there is some pretty convincing psychological evidence in support of you getting yourself a leafy friend. Find ways to get nature into your life during times of transition. The least it will do is be calming and comforting, but I expect that you may find it to influence you more than you initially expected.

4. Do it for you, not for them

I don’t know about you, but I try and survive as few of these major transition periods as possible. While I believe that life should always be in flux, these times of great instability can be disruptive and are often overwhelming. One way of limiting these times of transition, is working towards an outcome that actually suits YOU. Not them. Because it’s not your parents who are going to have to come home to Richard, the painfully bland chartered accountant with a good credit record and a permanently-locked home on the coast. And it’s not your friends who are going to be ingesting those anxiety pills in sacrifice for that 6-digit salary. But if that is what you’re looking for, then I hope you’re ecstatic when you find it and are willing to make the appropriate sacrifices. If you’re only ecstatic about sharing the new-found destination point of your transition on social media, then I’d recommend going back to point 1 again and checking in with yourself.

5. And finally, remember it is not permanent

As much as it doesn’t always seem possible, you've have lived through every past moment of personal transition. And will hopefully not only live through, but progress through this current one. In retrospect, these times are painful and profound, but depending on what you’re experiencing, hopefully in the future you will be able to consider it a privilege. You are growing and expanding and I hope, managing to make conscious decisions about your next smallest steps forward.

I hope that by the end of 2018, we can all say that it was a year spent with kind people, in the shade of trees, making profound progress.

I wish you clarity, strength and excitement while on this journey.

Photo taken on Lion's Head, Cape Town.