Why empathians "freeze" around false people

in #psychology7 years ago (edited)

Empathy is the ability of a person to experience the emotions, feelings and thoughts of others. Sensitive people seem to have radar for the true mental state of the others. But this, as it can be useful in interpersonal communication, can also lead to many problems when, in their everyday life, empaths are confronted with people who seek to conceal, for whatever reason, their true self. Have you ever met a person whom everyone likes, but you feel uncomfortable around him? Or someone to make you a compliment that, instead of rejoicing you, to annoy you or irritate you? Empaths rely on microscopic signs in body language much better than others. By nature, they are more subtle about people's behavior than about their words. And they almost always recognize when someone wears a mask on his face, even if he is very convincing. There is nothing more confusing about an empath of manipulative behavior. Manipulation is a way of trying to control other people in a dishonest way. Most people are affected when someone is openly trying to exert power and control over them, but a highly sensitive person is capable of feeling this kind of behavior even if they are very well disguised and usually respond with hostility to such attempts. Invisibility is, in principle, a problem for empaths and highly sensitive people. Firstly, because such behavior requires an inaccurate answer, and that is extremely tiring and exhausting for them, and secondly, because such communication and interaction seems absolutely meaningless to them. Why are empaths sometimes unfriendly or even hostile to others? The following types of false behaviors can lead to problems in interacting with empathic people:

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When people behave friendly for personal gain

You know such people. People who enter the room and start a personal PR campaign. They are friendly to everyone, and the reaction of others to them is always positive. When such a person approached an empath, his heart shuddered. They know very well that these people are not interested in them but by themselves. They don't perceive what you say to them, but with care they look, smile and nod understandable all the time. If you are an empath, you know that this man doesn't care about you, why do you ever bother to take part in this parody? Typically, empaths totally avoid such conversations. If they fail to escape, they usually look flat, stupid and uncooperative because of their unwillingness to be involved in them. Lack of trust builds a mental blockade that prevents them from expressing themselves openly in these cases. This is in response to the lack of real emotion in the interaction they feel very well, despite the demonstration of friendly feelings. Empaths are able to mirror the false behavior, but for them it is exhausting and draining their forces, and then usually feel bad and very irritated.

Incredulous compliments

There are compliments and compliments. There are times when people really think something nice about you, but there are occasions when they say something nice without thinking at all, just to flatter you. Sometimes people make a compliment through their teeth while they are torn apart by envy. And there are occasions in which compliments are hidden criticism. Empathy can very easily make the difference between the different kinds of compliments and if you make an incomprehensible compliment, you better not open your mouth at all. Empaths are much more inclined to perceive non-verbal signals in behavior, and they hear the true feelings behind the compliment, not the words themselves. And for that reason anything but a sincere compliment will rather offend them than delight. People who accept someone's identity to conceal their true essence. People who conceal their true personality because of an unstable sense of identity and underdeveloped individuality are extremely irritating to the empathy. When they meet, empaths begin to sympathize with the man behind the fake role because they are aware that all this is due to a lack of self-confidence. Despite compassion, however, it will be difficult for an empath to interact with such a person. When you know that you do not interact with the real person, but with a fictional image, you can not connect with it. In some cases, the empath will try to pull the real man out if he decides he deserves his efforts and has some chance. But otherwise he will just freeze in silence and watch the performance he is playing. People who hide their pain, pretending to be strong and tough people.

The empathy knows everything about the reasons why people hide their suffering from others, and most likely they often do the same. But that does not make things easier when they have to be among people who hide their pain behind the mask. In the event that they have no information about the situation of the person they are talking to, the empaths will feel his pain regardless of his efforts to skip it, and the fact that it is hidden will make her feel even stronger and deep. They may even fail to understand this until they later feel sad and desperate without being able to explain the reason for it. And if they are aware of this pain, they know they should not take the subject of respect for the other person's privacy. They begin to feel like they have an elephant in the room all the time, and this can stretch their relationships or block them completely. We all have reasons not to show our true nature. We can not always, at all times, be completely authentic, because this is contrary to our social desires. But in cases where toxic behaviors lie behind the false behavior, the empaths feel this and try to avoid such people. But in other cases, the empaths use the gift of their increased sensitivity to bring forth the pain of others - gently, gently without harming them - and giving them emotional support in their suffering. No matter how much personal energy will cost them, for them to help others when possible, is the best thing they can do in their lives. What is the point of having such a gift if you don't use it to help other living beings ?!

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Personally I would much rather have somebody behave friendly for personal gain the be a jerk for personal gain because I have expearianced both.

Thank you @godflesh for sharing the most educative thought. This is happens always in humans life. I think the number of good people is so small in the earth. Empathy is quality of human. But if It is comes from wrong people then simple people will harmful.

Yes, very true :)

Interesting and educative! Thanks @godflesh for the enlightenment.

You are welcome :)

This is such a #deep post @godflesh!
Thanks for posting it!

Thanks :)

Thats new information for me,
Are you psycholog doctor?

No, psychology is only my hobby. :)

You mean to practice NLP? I know what it is, but I have not touched in this direction of psychology. :)

I use #NLP to bring people onto different things with what I do @godflesh!

Haha :D I have more deeper insight into the literature. If you read Honoré de Balzac, there you will have a lot of knowledge about man's psychology. :)

This post has received gratitude of 7.48 % from @appreciator thanks to: @godflesh.

Empathy is our ability to simulate reality from another perspective. When we empathize with someone, our brains are literally running an entire separate simulation, attempting to see from the eyes of the other person. When we deal with a fake person, inconsistencies in their behavior make it difficult for the brain to do this. Instead of a simple, natural perspective, the brain is picking up all these incongruent rules in the other person's behavior and it gets overloaded.

yup, it can be a great burden to have everyone be so transparent to you.

Very well said! 'What is the point of having such a gift if you don't use it to help other living being?!'. Sad but true. These are what usually happens these days. I myself are like this in other days unfortunately. Thank you for this enlightenment @ godflesh. Steem on and continue to enlighten others please!

"¿De qué sirve tener ese regalo si no lo usas para ayudar a otros seres vivos?". Considero que la empatía debe formar parte de los valores esenciales del ser humano y debe ser practicada de manera honesta sin esperar nada a cambio. Excelente Post @godflesh